Wednesday, May 05, 2004

Bald Headed Little Girls

So I have long hair. I've been growin' my hair for about 10 years now and everybody thinks that now is the time for me to cut it. Everybody seems to think that it's time for me to "grow up" and accept assimilation. I know women that have cut their locks and then donated it to little bald headed girls that have cancer. These same women try to shame me into cutting my mop.
"Some little girl is bald because of chemotherapy and the kids make fun of her. You should cut your hair and donate it to a charity like Locks of Love."
My response is this:

Fuck those bald-headed bitches. This is my hair. This is MY record of my drug habit for the last ten years. I've put alot of effort into cultivating this smorgasboard of THC, LSD and phylosibin samples.
THE GLORY IS MINE!
Shit. What if one of those little ho's tried to get a job (at ten years old) and they gave her a hair sample test? I don't wanna be responsible for some little chemo-kid getting denied for a job for all the fun I've had. Those are my memories dammit! Back off my hair!
But I tell you what...I'm not completely heartless. Check this out:

I also have a pretty thick beard.

I will donate my beard to any little girl or boy that has been undergoing chemo or whatever.
Wouldn't that be ill? Any kid that has a beard in the 2nd grade would be the coolest kid ever.
Picture this:

taunting Kids: Paul's bald! Paul's bald! Where's yer hair chrome-dome? Ha-ha-ha-ha-haaaa!

Paul (lighting a cigarette): My hair is on my chin bitch! Where's your beard you little bitches?
In fact, don't answer that, I gotta put this cig out.(reaches over and puts out cigarette in closest kids eye)" "Ha ha-yeah! Now you got no depth perception son! Boooyakka!"

See, if these kids looked like the lead singer of Clutch then they wouldn't have any problems. Plus, a 11 year old girl with a beard? That's just like handing her a money maker for the carnival circuit. So yo, I know it ain't a popular idea right now, but Imma change that.
Come on fellas, this is an appeal from the heart:
Grow a big beard so you can shave it off and give it to a kid that doesn't have a beard.
And ladies, you can join this effort too!
Don't trim the trim! if we all do our part, the youth could be sporting curly beards before the next winter.
And if you don't support this idea then the terrorists have already won.
*BAMF!*


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