Monday, June 28, 2004

SHOCKING!


So the U.S. handed over authority to the Iraqis? Yeah right. If you really look at what took place, it don't mean shit. They said they did it early to avoid militant atacks on the day of the O.G. handover. Uh-huh. It has nothing to do with Farenheit 911 opening this weekend either (now, I seriously don't think a movie could change the timetable, but as a junior conspiracy theorist-in-training, it is my duty to point out these things). Eh, whatever, it's all an illusion. Our government is run by insane fanatical capitalist fascist fucks. I bet these dudes jack off into the American flag while rubbing $100 dollar bills underneath their noses. Whoa! Where'd that come from?

I spotted this over at cursor.org. Senator Joseph Biden had this interesting tidbit: "I was in the Oval Office the other day, and the president asked me what I would do about resignations. I said, "Look, Mr. President, would I keep Rumsfeld? Absolutely not." And I turned to Vice President Cheney, who was there, and I said, "Mr. Vice President, I wouldn't keep you if it weren't constitutionally required." I turned back to the president and said, "Mr. President, Dick Cheney and Don Rumsfeld are bright guys, really patriotic, but they've been dead wrong on every major piece of advice they've given you. That's why I'd get rid of them, Mr. President -- not just Abu Ghraib." They said nothing. Just sat like big old bullfrogs on a log and looked at me." Ha haaaa! Of course, as soon as Biden left, Cheney choked W. with his delicate hands screaming "how dare you let him speak to me that way! This is my show you little bitch!" then his pacemaker fluttered and Cheney lost his train of thought and he returned to his secret bunker to swim in his gold-coins like Uncle Scrooge. That dude always looks pissed. What a chode.

Well, apparently that business over at Byron Crawford's site has been resolved. I guess the dudes little brother used his older brothers Email account to spew ignorance. Don't be sendin any mail to him, as his only mistake is being related to a knuckle-head fuck. otherwise, bol is killin' it as usual. Stop by and show him some love.

Went shoppin' for some records today at these two Goodwill's on the South Side of town. The first one wasn't too bad because I brought my portable record-player and I sat down for like 2 hours listenin' to a pile of records. But, I swear, at least 3 people came up to me when I was listenin like "how much do they want for that record player?" I had to explain to them that it was mine and it wasn't for sale, and even if it was, wouldn't the fact that I'm sittin here listening to records probably mean that I would want it? None of them really understood this point either. I got some blank stares and even had some dude askin me how much his old Elton John records were worth. What am I, a record price book? Sheeeit. Plus, mu'fuckahs see me sportin' some headphones and there all askin' me questions. I don't want to talk goddammit, I'm listenin' to music you silly fucks. Oh well, one dude that worked there was like "oh shit, I've never seen anyone do that! that's prety samrt." yep. Betta rec'nize. Got about 15 records and Krush Groove soundtrack which is ehhhh, but I got that Chic record with the "Good Times" sample used in "Rappers Delight" which is just nice to have. the other Goodwill i went to sucked. Shitty shitty shitty Christmas and Christian records. then some dude see's me diggin through a stack of wax and he's like "What are you looking for?" I'm like, "uhhhh, records man" as I flip through a stack. Then he's like 'whoa! slow down!" cause I'm flippin through pretty fast. He's like "oh! The Village People! Didn't they do YMCA?" And damn my slow wit, I should've said "I have no idea man, I'm not gay, unlike you with your hard-on for the Village people." Then he asks me if some dude on the cover is Glen something and I tell him I have no idea what he's talkin about. He finally went away, but not before commenting on my portable record-player: "What, are you trying to impress people with that?" Yeah dude, I walk into every Goodwill I can with Vestax in hand with the sincere desire to impress weird overly-friendly homosexuals. So then, I'm walking out and the lady at the counter is all asking me if I brought the record player in 'cause she thought I was stealin it. I showed it to her and explained what it was but she was still givin' me the crook-eye so i was like "call the cops if you want, this is mine, and I'm leaving now." That bitch didn't do shit. Looked at me dumbly. If I was stealing from Goodwill wouldn't that be doing them a favor anyway? That bitch gets the gas-face.

Worked my ass off this last week, so that's why there haven't been any posts. My work had a big event which is an all-weekend thing that involves me movin' tables and stackin' chairs and shit. Oh, and ridin' around on golf-carts. A few dudes I know tweaked their golf-carts to get more speed, so I'd catch a ride with them anytime I could. the best part was the after-party where me and the co-workers get down and drink alchohol and talk shit about people who aren't there. Ain't nothing better than seein' yer co-workers slammin Tequilla and Coronas while letting you know how they REALLY feel about you. Got told I was cute by some married lady and some other chick was talkin about my ass. That's weird, cuz I'm like george carlin, I have no ass. It's this flat ledge that just sorta hangs off my back. Anyway, I did get to hear some spicy gossip and know I know who hates who and who was showin their titties off a few years ago at a different after-work party. Scandalous! of course, next time I see all these people we'll act like nothing ever happened. Ah, the magic of alchohol.

Oh shit, and I didn't even mention the fact that I saw some titties earlier this week when some chick I know was wearin no bra and bendin over in front of me. Damn right I'm gonna look. And she was none the wiser. Ha-haaaa! That will do for now. In the future I hope to see those again but not with some lucky glance or anything. Yes-yes. Chiseven's got a plan to stick it to a dram. I used the Moka-Only slanguage there, referring to a woman as a dram-no doubt referring to the inherent drama of women. And I refrenced "SuperFly" too. Goddamn, I'm the shit.

Oh, and I just remember that I got that sticky smellin up my bookbag. Which makes me wonder, "What the fuck am I doing sitting here sober?" Time to remedy that situation. Man, I can't wait for my brother to get back from Peru so we can smoke. That's it for now ya'll. Enjoy.

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