Saturday, September 18, 2004

Look Ma, I'm too-cool-for-Skool

Once again, I proved my coolness to myself by knowing about this shit waaaay before Rolling Stone magazine does. Now if only I could use that coolness and my veritable finger-on-the-pulse-of-the-nation status to get some poo-nanni I'd be set. But alas, knowing about shit on the internet is NOT how to get the ladies. Trust me on that one.
And wtf is an overbearing critical swagger? Fuck music-writers. They are the only writer's that I know of that actually get paid regularly to just make shit up. Yes, noz from cocaine blunts is opinionated, but IT"S HIS FUCKING SITE. I tend to agree with his estimations and ruminations so I guess I've never really thought of his opinions as an overbearing critical swagger but more as right on. Perhaps this music-writer peeped the site and was like "Whoa, I like Talib Queli, he's on my Ipod right between the White Stripes and the lastest from the Get-Up Kids...he's a conscious rapper dammit. How could anyone hate?" type-type-type..."overbearing critical swagger." But hey, at least RS is showing some love to O-dub and Noz, the only two I care about (well, actually moistworks had a de la soul week which was excellent). So props to you gentlemen. Now link to my site dammit.
So what else is new? A few famous people have gone nuts lately...let's review:
First off, Jimmy Swaggart thinks he can pull one over on God (link via atrios):
"...I'm gonna be blunt and plain; if one [a homosexual male] ever looks at me like that, I'm gonna kill him and tell God he died." Oh word Jimmy. I bet a supreme and omniscient being would fall for that. I bet he'll even give you a high-five and the latest Amy Grant CD too. Jimmy Swaggart needs to get 12" of black dick up his homosexual-fearing ass just because.
Next up is Oprah. That crazy bitch gave away like 200+ cars. My favorite part of the article is when Oprah starts jumping up and down screaming "Everybody gets a car! Everybody gets a car! How wild is that?" Pretty wild Oprah, we certainly DO need more housewives on the road, cell-phone in hand, talking about the latest sob-story on the O.W. show. I swear if I see one of those cars, I'm keying it. Blau!
And we all know that these polls are complete bullshit right? All my friends see this shit and are like "man, W's gonna win again, so why bother voting?" That's how they want you to react fools! If you don't show up at the polls dumb patriotic Americans who actually think W is a good guy will. Please please please vote. I don't like Kerry either but fuck, Bush is insane and so is his team. Gettim' out! Of course, if you don't want Kerry to take away your bible and make you marry a man then feel free to vote for Nixon II.
And everyone I know doesn't seem to care about this. Yet it seems to me, to be an accurate gauge of this man's love for America. I mean, this is the same guy who, while at Yale (and only there because of his father's connections) vigilantly supported the Vietnam War while braggin about how he got in the National Guard to avoid combat. That is the definition of a hypocrite. Go over to Salon and get the day-pass, then scroll down to the interview with a former professor of Bush's while at Yale. Interesting stuff.
And this is the only time I will say this:
I kinda wish I had cable to see that show "The Surreal Life" where Flavor Flav gets all freaky with Brigitte Neilsen. Yeah, Flav, hit that and get some of those millions she got for marrying Stallone for a few months. Sheeeit. That is surreal. I really hope that someone asks Dave Coulier about Alanis Morrisette going down on him in a theater when she was I dunno, eight or whatever. Ha Ha! He'll be like "cut-it-out" and everyone will be like "huh?"
Oh and off topic, but isn't Puffy's "Vote or Die" campaign the silliest shit you've ever seen? I mean, I'm all for voting, but the only black dude rockin' a mohawk that could ever tell me to vote would be Mr. T and that's cuz of all that GOLD. Awwww jeah.
I'm off to try out something I have never seen before: 24oz. cans of Miller High Life. Oh lord, life is good. I'll be back when I sober up. So, see ya Monday.

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