Wednesday, October 06, 2004

I Ain't No Dirty Bird But I Been Puffin'

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Finally figured out how to put up some pictures, so be expectin this blog to be fiiaaaahhhh. Or at least an entertaining way to kill time as you download that newest Paris hilton video. Either way, all I know is that I wish I had a giant stuffed puffin. This old woman doesn't look too frightened, but I bet if you hollowed that body out and splashed some pigs-blood on the white fur and then chased around old-women with a rusty spoon then those biddies would be layin' on their back gaspin' for air as their cardiac system fails. Oh the power I could have with a puffin suit. I wonder how much Gorilla suits go for these days? I think a full-body gorilla suit would be a good item to have in my closet. I don't really see myself growing much so I bet if I invest in a costume then it could last for years. Then I'll roam the streets of Indianapolis and scare the be-jeezus out of old-people, and if I don't kill them automatically then I'll at least repo their drivers licenses. The grey-haired menace must be stopped. Word.

Pssst...did you hear about the Air-Force's anti-matter weapons? Sounds expensive and not nearly as neat as the sonic-bowel disruptor that I heard about years ago. Besides, if you can't make weapons that make your enemy shit uncontrollably then what is the point?

I spotted this post about the debates last-night and thought it was pretty cool. Anytime you can use a Seinfeld-refrence in politics and do it coherantly then its all good. Plus he talks about Dennis Miller on Jay Leno which I happened to hear last night as I was typing on the computer and my room-mate was watching the idiot-box. Goddamn, Dennis Miller is a hack. I'm not sayin' he's not funny cuz I don't agree with his politics but that dude has lost it. Not that he was that great to begin with-his snide attitude has always indicated him as an asshole, but now it's like he's that Uncle at family gatherings just tossin' out jokes that aren't funny, but laughing maniacally at every punchline. And Jay Leno doesn't help either why-wait a minute. We all know Jay Leno and Dennis Miller suck balls. The real question is why I didn't beat the shit out of my roommate with the remote control for watching such tripe. I have failed you once again humanity. Tonight I will bludgeon him with a prosthetic limb that I have stolen from some old-person while wearing a gorilla costume. I won't even say anything and I'll still be wearing the gorilla-suit as I flail a wooden leg towards his dome. Take that punk.

Well, I might not actually, because he did go out and get that new De La Soul album that I'm listening to right now. It's's uh...well, it's more De La without Prince Paul. you know what I mean. Now don't get me wrong, De La doesn't need Prince Paul (Stakes is High is my favorite album of all time-any genre) but I do get a little nostalgic for the craziness that Paul brought to the group. Now they're so damn old all they can do is be serious. Anyway, in the spirit of Bol and his record reviews, here's my review of "The GrindDate":
"The Future"
The de la intro with somebody (Mase?) saying "the future" a bunch of times and then about 1:30 into the track the song begins with some soul-singing and a plodding beat. Lyrics are nice as usual but the beat is kinda blah.
"Verbal Clad"
This has to be a madlib beat. It's got those same drums as that Dizzie Rascal song that talked about a big beat or something. Mu'fuckahs love those drums. I know of at least three local rap-groups that use that beat. It's a nice beat, but damn, I've heard it so much lately it's not all that fresh. Nice lyrics though. Pos and Dave still got that unique delivery and style.
"Much More"
That song that they did on the Chappelle show. Has that chick named "Yummy" singing on it. Is it me or does she sound about 9 years old? Either way, the beat is niiiice and it even has DJ Premier talking about saving hip-hop or whatever he's pissed about right now. Pos comes correct though: "I got verbs, skills, babies and bills, a brother who smoked crills and still tryin' to get himself together from it..." I love how Pos' verses are like a personal update every album. How are your kids Pos? "Check out track 6 my man" Okay, I like this beat and the song but as is the case with rap these days, there is waaaay too much goddamn singing. Note to hiphop: If I want to hear singing I'll buy an R&B album. Knock it off.
"Shopping Bags"
The single. Remeber "Baby Phat" a few years back? Same idea here. De La is speaking on those men and women relations and this time it's all about shopping bags. Might grow on me, but for now the goddamn singing is getting on my nerves. Typical lead single from De La though. Not bad, but not really good either. Next!
"The Grind Date"
This song sounds like they're tryin to capture that "21 Questions" sound. I don't know if it's intentional or not but I keep wanting Dave to say something about loving someone like a fat kid loves cake. Oh well, at least there's no damn singing. Next!
Starts off with Spike Lee. He says some AKA stuff but I was thinking about him in those Jordan commercials with the MARS necklace so I don't really hear what he's saying. This is a 9th Wonder track so you know there's people singing in the background. 9th Wonder's drums suck, but this track isn't too bad. Boy it sucks that I can listen to De La and go "well, it's not bad". There used to be no question. I think they're just getting a pass because of their previous efforts.
"It's Like That"
Starts off all syrupy and then Carl Thomas comes through with a little soul-croon and my hand reaches for the forward button. Fuck that bullshit. Next!
"He Comes"
The track that De La didn't pay Ghostface for. I guess they didn't pay Ghost-didni for his verse so he took the track and put it on some mix-tape talkin' about "this is what happens when mu'fuckahs send me a beat and don't give me my gotdamn money!" Whatever. Either way the song is hype and Ghost kills it. I never know what he's saying but he says "Uday and Qusay (sp?)" so it's pretty fun to listen to.
"Days of Our Lives"
Common is on this one. Kinda weird beat. Not too hype, but good. Kinda sounds like a beat I would make, but mine would be better. If I wasn't at work I'd be quoting more lyrics but I can't really turn it up that loud so fuck it-half-assed reviews are better than none eh?
"Come On Down"
Flavor Flav is on this track. It works cuz the beat is kinda Public-Enemy-esque. I wonder if De La had to tell Flav that he wouldn't get a verse on this track. I bet Flav is pretty used to his hypeman status, so it's probably no big deal. Still, I would hate to be the one that says "uh, Flav, we just don't think yer verse about "the strong island wildin' inside of your girls hymen" is going to work. Could you just shout the hook and do that crazy laugh of yours? Thanks."
Starts out with singing. Begin reaching for forward button-Pos comes on over some strange beat that continues to plod along. I think this is a Dave West beat. His shit kinda just plods along. Not hype and not too slow. Kinda makes me nod. Ah fuck it, next.
"Rock Co.Cane Flow"
HYPE! I want this beat playing as I strut down the halls at work slappin' up my co-workers and drinkin' a 40 oz. of Mickey's Malt Liquor. I'll smoke a blunt and not share either. This song just makes me want to swagger in front of white people while mouthing the words and throwing my hands around like some rapper in a video. RRRRRRAHHHH! Then the track ends and so does the album.
Final Thoughts:
Not dissapointing, but not really anything to get too hype about which makes it another "Bionix" as far as I'm concerned. Some real good songs, a few shitty ones, and way too much singing.
I love De La but I'm gonna have to say download this record and buy one of their first three albums. If you don't have "De La Soul is Dead" then buy it before this one. And I've found that reviewing each song off an album sucks. Never again. Now to figure out how to get some comments on this mug. Later skaters.

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