Sunday, October 24, 2004

Weekend Wrap-up

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tougher than you may think...

Had an interesting weekend...let me share my experiences.
First off, the reason I have a picture of a lawn jockey is to illustrate my first story.
When I moved into my new crib I inherited a number of things: broken dishwasher, broken garbage disposal and a white lawn jockey. I think the jockey that I inherited began his days as a black concrete jockey but (thankfully) someone realized just how racist it was and painted him white like that dude up there. That pretty much looks like the one I have, minus the lantern.
Anyhoo, I was enjoying another beer on my front-porch as I took a break from Freestyle-Friday. Every Friday we open up the studio (okay, my bedroom) and invite a buncha friends over to freestlyle over beats me and D. have made throughout the week. Usually we also have a dirty 30 of the High-Life for our parched throats, and this Friday was no exception. So I'm chillin' out on my front porch drinkin' a beer and chattin' with three friends and some guy this dude named Dan C. brought over. I'm talkin' shit to my roommate and then outta nowhere this guy (who I have never met and is apparently an 8th grade teacher [WTF?]) falls over from where he's standing and tackles my lawn jockey, bringing the two of them to the wet ground. I look over at my comrades and I'm like "Did this guy just tackle my lawn-jockey? Was the jockey talkin' shit or something?" Everyone shrugs and then the dude begins to stand up so I'm like "hey guy, you got a problem with my lawn jockey? We don't need to bring this to violence man-let's have a nice discuss-" and before I can complete my sentence he starts swayin' again and then he tries to brace himself on a nearby tree (but it looked like he was tacklin' it...strange) but comes up short and just falls backwards onto my gravel driveway. So I finish my beer, set the jockey back up in his proper place and go inside to get tell the cat that brought this idiot over to my crib to clean up his mess of a friend. Here's the wierd thing though: this dude was completely sober (unlike myself-who saw no reason not to talk shit to some dude who's passing out). Either way, dude left and my jockey remains resolute and standing. End friday.


Saturday after work my boy Raw Dog calls and tells me that he just got back from Windsor, Canada.
Me: "So how was Canada?" RD: "It sucked. I got arrested." Me: "Ha! Explain!"
So ol' RD and some friend are in Windsor gettin' ready to roll into a strip-club when a bunch of Canadian police roll up on them like "You two have been urinating on police-cars!" RD and friend had NOT been doing said activity and tried to explain this but the cops weren't believing it. RD has the tendency to get lippy and one of the policemen was like "You shut your mouth right now or you are going to jail." RD then mimics the action of zipping his lips and reaches out to put the "key" into the officer's breast-pocket. Officer friendly then grabs RD and informs him that he is going to jail for "assaulting an officer" and proceeds to cuff him. Then he takes RD to the back of the paddywagon (which was waiting nearby...) and proceeds to punch RD in the face while saying "Fuck America. Fuck George Bush! You aren't in America now you fucker! Etc. Etc." RD is tossed into the paddywagon and soon his friend joins him, but not before getting some of the same treatment (punch to the face) and getting choked out for 10 seconds or so. They spend the night in jail and post bail for $70 American and then return to the states.
Amazing. To me this story proves two things: 1)people who become cops are generally power-hungry assholes who enjoy beating others(regardless of country or creed) and 2)George Bush has ruined our relations with the world. I officially denounce Ralph Nader and intend to vote for Kerry in November. I was going to vote for Nader for symbolic reasons but fuck it-we have to get Bush out. My state will go red, but at least I can try. Please forgive my past trangressions and join me as I step towards a new era.

Oh yeah, did anyone see Ashlee Simpson on SNL?
*crickets chirping*
Ok, I happened to be in the room while my roommate was watching it (and it was shiiiiity) and the host introduced her and then the band started playing and out of nowhere her vocals start (apparently for the wrong song...I wouldn't know) so she freaks out and just starts dancing like a deranged hillbilly and then she runs off the stage as they cut to a commercial. That shit was priceless. Oh, and bol has a link on his site so you can see it (check the comment section).
See you tommorrow when I have more to say...

Comments:
Canada will pay dearly for this act of aggression. Canada and drunk 8th grade school teachers faking inebreation in order to assault lawn jockies. I have contacted Jay J. Armes to track down these evil doers. He says there's still room in Guantanamo. Keep hope alive.
 
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