Thursday, December 09, 2004

Now I Can Finally Have Those Dope-Smokin' Children I've Always Dreamed Of...

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"What's that Mommy?" asked Jackie. "Are you and Daddy smoking a cigarette?"
"No baby," said her Mother. "This is called a 'joint.' It's made of marijuana."
"Mar-a-whah? What's that?" asked Jackie.
"Marijuana" smiled her Mom, "is a plant."
"What kind of plant?"
"Well," said her Mom, "That story may take me all night to tell you.
How about we go on a bicycle ride and I'll tell you all about it?"
"Okay," said Jackie.

That's the actual text too.

That's right ya'll, finally someone wrote a book for kids about marijuana.
All I can say is: It's about damn time. I know when I get some nieces and nephews in the future they are gettin' this book, some roachclips, and MY FIRST BONG by Fisher-Price from their favorite stoner uncle (not to be confused with their favorite great-uncle stoner...i think everyone has one of these in their families...I know I did). I don't really think this will change the world or anything but I can certainly hope that it leads to a gradual phasing-out of this lame marijuana-humor that is so prevelant these days. I mean, how many times can you make a joke about the mary-jane making people hungry? It is my hope that the children will learn great things from this book and eventually be able to use their great wit to comment on say, their stoner uncle's lack of ambition and tendency to wear the same pants all-year-round. As I say, I can dream.

Are you sick of people talking on cell-phones real loud out in public? Are you tired of hearing some redneck in a pickup truck say things like this:
"Yeah man, she was on the rag so I had ta stick it in her ass. It was fun!"
I actually heard that one while waiting at a stop-light last summer. Gross but awesome at the same time. Well, anyway, if yer some uptight asshole who feels the need to comment on others behavior in public (like me) then I reccommend you go here (spotted at boingboing ) and print these out so you can hand them out. Or, you could do like I do and just trip mu'fuckahs as they walk while talking on their celly. Generally speaking, most people can't talk, fall, and continue thier conversation all at once. Laughter and broken bones ensue. Highly reccommended. Or you could use those cards if you can't easily blend into a crowd after you trip someone.
Either way, let's do our best to fuck with people on celly's. I'm counting on you all.

I think that's gonna do it for today, but be sure to check back in the next few days for a special post concerning O'Shea Jackson, better known as Ice Cube. I'm going to try and figure out what the fuck happened between N.W.A. and the present. Maybe I'll even post an mp3 of Common's "The Bitch in You" where he verbally serves the former jheri-curl rockin' Cube. I'm makin' moves ya'll.

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