Monday, April 26, 2004

Guess I gotta learn html code

I got a new computer and for some reason Blogger ain't lovin my Macintosh self.
That's right. I'm down with the apple that somebody took a bite of.
And as soon as I learn all this software that I got...
look out.
I'll be starin at this shit so long Imma have to get some coke-bottle glasses for my old days...
But no glaucoma.
of course.
In other technology news...
My old ass CD player that me and my brothers had (and I took possesion of) is about 10 years old and it has become a backpacking underground hip-hop snob.
It will not play any other cd's but def-jux.
i swear. tried a few other Cd's. nope.
Only def Jux.
I only have a few def-jux albums and I certainly don't want any others (Smashy Trashy? echhhh...)
It's pretty funny though.
I'm outta here
gonna figure this mac out.
*bamf*

Saturday, April 24, 2004

For Those Who Are About To Rock
I salute you...

I have decided to begin a new Email account with the friendly folks at Google.
If you have any comments on the blog or wish to send me death threats, hate mail, or letters of affection please feel free to send them to :
chiseven@gmail.com

Those who know of my original account should send me mail to either address. I will check them both, but I have a sneaking suspicion that I will keep the google mail service as it seems to be head and shoulders above the competition.
In other news, I hope to get out of work early today so I can go record diggin at one of my favorite spots.
I smell some rare 45's today. I can just feel it.
Then....perhaps I'll finish that beat I'm workin on. Gotta find some BANGIN drums though. Hmmm.
Then, Imma get crunk wit' Lil Jon.
OKAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?

"We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful about what we pretend to be."
-Kurt Vonnegut

So I spent my Friday night doing what any normal 24-year old single young man would do:
I stayed home and read Mother Night.

Which is a most excellent book, as is every other Vonnegut book I have read. You should read them too.
I won't say anything about the story for those who have not read it but I do want to quote from the text.
(Don't worry-no spoilers)
From Mother Night pg. 190:

"There are plenty of good reasons for fighting...but no good reason ever to hate without reservation, to imagine that God Almighty hates with you, too. Where's evil? It's that large part of every man that wants to hate without limit, that wants to hate with God on his side. It's that part of every man that finds all kinds of ugliness so attractive."

Something to remember in these times.
Hi ho!

Friday, April 23, 2004

Orwell Was Right...

"In a way, the world-view of the Party imposed itself most successfully on people incapable of understanding it. They could be made to accept the most flagrant violations of reality, because they never fully grasped the enormity of what was demanded of them, and were not sufficiently interested in public events to notice what was happening. By lack of understanding they remained sane. They simply swallowed everything, and what they swallowed did them no harm, because it left no residue behind, just as a grain of corn will pass undigested through the body of a bird." -from 1984.

I recently purchased the 2nd collected works of Winston Smith who takes his name from the protagonist of Orwell's wonderful novel: 1984. As I'm sure those of you reading this blog have probably read the book I will save the summary, but the main idea (or at least what I picked up on) seems to be about mankinds inability to save itself. Some see the novel as railing against Communism or Totalitarian societies (which is obvious of course) but I see the novel as railing more against the nature of humanity rather than a specific system of control. See, I think the best way to view the novel is to somewhat consider it as a modernistic work (and I will save you the English major analysis for now...my college days are over so I don't have to prove shit). I think the text has much more to do with general themes of the modernists than it does as a critique of a form of government. See, the modernists were concerned with this brave new world they had inherited. They enjoyed studying old thought (whether literary technique, morals, religion, philosophy, government, etc.) and then criticizing it in an attempt to come up with something better. Certainly most understood the old adage "those who do not understand the past are condemned to repeat it" and I think Orwell had this in mind when writing the novel.
See, I think when Orwell wrote the novel he saw the world (humanity) at a very important crossroads, one where we (as humanity) could look at the past, the old way of doing things (systems of control etc.) and decide if we wanted to extend these ideas or perhaps, come up with new ideas to further humanity in positive ways (yes, it's way to simplified I know, but shit, I just woke up an hour ago...). I don't think Orwell saw a huge difference in totalitarianism, democracy or communism. To me, it seems as though the novel is a warning that any of these could lead to the society portrayed in 1984. The real story is how the society got there in the first place. I suspect Oceania started as a democracy and eventually progressed into the society found in the novel. To me, it reminds me of my country today. Everyone has a fancy chain (television, internet.etc.) to keep them happy (or at least distracted enough to not care) so we never really notice that the freedoms we enjoy are really meant to restrict us further. To quote Talib Queli: "it's like slaves on the slave-ship talkin' about who's got the flyest chain." The point is not how nice your chain is, rather it is, you are chained and you are oblivious to it. I think the same (general) theme is expressed in the novel. You decide though.
I think Orwell is saying this: We as a society of human beings have the ability (and perhaps the responsibility) to change the world for the better and yet, we will not because the weight of responsibility is too much for us to bear and as a result we will always be our own worst enemy, blaming everyone but ourselves (humanity) for our own misery that, by not challenging, we indirectly support. See, I think that especially today (in 2004) Orwell's novel is more important than it ever was. Progressions in technology have changed this world for better and for worse. It seems as though the price of all this technology and "progress" is the death of our planet. It really should not be debated. Anyway, it doesn't matter...this is my blog bitches...you love my thoughts. Anyhoo, just like the Modernists, we live in a world where former institutions of humanity have began to crumble and we have the option of either inspecting the rubble to see what went wrong or just to build these institutions again (but prettier this time!) and continue to fool ourselves. Therefore, we seem to have the means to begin ushering in a new age of human compassion and understanding if we utilize our tools correctly, but I doubt we will because it is much easier to watch the Paris Hilton sex-tape than it is to begin forming a plan to deconstruct the mechanisms that restrict our freedom. I think we have the means to begin a new era, a new enlightenment (if such a thing truly exists) but we posses no desire to do so because the task seems impossible or, at least, too hard for us to deal with. We are heading into the new dark ages my friends, we stand upon the precipice of a new era. And it ain't pretty.

That's why I think the events that occurred on September 11th have cemented my argument and illustrated my point. Follow along please:
When 9-11 happened and the initial shock wore off the general consensus was "how did something like this happen?" Motives were explored and speculated upon, but I never saw (and there's agood reason for this) anyone saying "Uh, you know why 9-11 happened? Because of our government. Because of us. The only people to blame 9-11 on are the citizens of it's democracy." Myself included. The only reason these motherfuckers even got on that plane to strike a physical and ideological blow to the U.S.A. is because of our insane foreign policy which we, the citizens support with our complacency. Now, I am guilty of it too so don't think I'm just passing the blame. You see, if we are truly a democracy then we owe it to ourselves and the world to demonstrate why democracy is so damn great. After 9-11 we had a present to ourselves: an opportunity of reflection so that we could see that we are lying to ourselves and that our government (and no government for that matter) is not to be trusted. Instead of inspecting the faulty mechanisms of our government we shifted the blame to differences in culture,etc. I cannot believe that we looked to our government to protect us from the mess they had created and now, we even thank them for it. Shit. Sad to say, but if another terrorist attack happens here (cuz we Americans don't care about that sort of thing unless it affects us) it's gonna be our own fault and we won't even realize why.
God does not bless America and eagles do not cry.
Some quotes to think about:

"Patriotism is the refuge of the scoundrel"-Samuel Johnson

"Why of course the people don't want war. Why should some poor slob on a farm want to risk his life in a war when the best he can get out of it is to come back to his farm in one piece? Naturally the common people don't want war: neither in Russia, nor in England, nor for that matter in Germany. That is understood. But, after all, it is the leaders of the country who determine the policy and it is always a simple matter to drag the people along, whether it is a democracy, or a fascist dictatorship, or a parliament, or a communist dictatorship. Voice or no voice, the people can always be brought to the bidding of the leaders. That is easy. All you have to do is tell them they are being attacked, and denounce the peacemakers for lack of patriotism and exposing the country to danger. It works the same in any country."-Hermann Goering, Hitler's second-in-command, Nuremburg trials, 1946

"When Fascism comes to America it will be called anti-Fascism."-Attributed to Huey Long, governor of Louisiana

Next time I won't be as serious...promise. Here, enjoy some MAAKIES
I'm out.



Thursday, April 22, 2004

Just One More Before I Go To Bed...

Check out this article. Go ahead. I will wait.

Okay? This is a wonderful example of how sensationalist our media (and really CNN in particular) has become.
So O'Neil took over Kerry's boat after Kerry left 'Nam, and then debated Kerry on the Dick Cavett show 'cuz Dick Nixon told him to? And now that Kerry is running for President he still has something to say which is basically, 'I don't like him or agree with him and I will use some inflammatory comments to express this.'
So these two used to debate over 'Nam in the past?
Who cares? This is not news. This is old grudges dredged up to slime.
I know it's all politics but damn...We Americans are pretty dumb.
Ehhh, this elections probably rigged anyway....
zzzzzzzz.....

Wednesday, April 21, 2004

Internet Links For Your Viewing Pleasure
"cuz you mah boyz *urp* !"

Via the mighty Cocaine Blunts etc. comes the answer to all your sippin sizzurp questions once and for all. Thank you Jesus.

Enjoy the art of Winston Smith!

Read The Memory Hole blog and then give money so I don't have to.
And then there's this little gem making it's way around the internet. The American soldier claims it was doctored. Maybe someone could do it with Photoshop and if they did, then cutting off that one word would be a pretty convincing way to seem like the photos is real. But, I bet it was real. Plus, I really shouldn't even give a shit about that when there's real human beings getting blown up every day in Iraq. But, what the hell, take a look at the pic and judge for yo'self (credit to thesmokinggun.com for the link).
AYO GHOSTFACE!!!! TONEY FOR MAYOR!!!!! OWWWWWW!!!! Stop eatin that pork son! HA HAAAAAAA!!
Yep. My favorite free-association rapper Ghostface(minus the Killah) has a new album out today. Is it any good? Who knows? Bulleproof wasn't really that great so I won't be checkin' for it.
Joe, I had forgotten about attending classes with John Holmes. Damn my reefer madness.
A ha ha haaaaaaaaaaaaaa. I hope that link works. If not, make a fake name at that bullshit classmates.com shit mu'fuckah. werd.
What else?
I have no idea what this picture is for or from and I don't care. All I know is that I love it like the fetus I paid my girlfriend to abort. Whoa! Where the hell did that come from?
Okay, if you have Flash capabilities and speakers that work please turn them up and go here! If anyone else besides you hears it they will love you forever! Clink the link NOW!!!
And, via Steve, next to me right now, viewing the latest issues of Maxim notes: "I hope this pink shit goes away. *Pause* Except here (pointing to pink panties on sexxxy model)."
It's true. Well, NORE I hate to agree with totalitarian High School Principals but pink has to go.
Hope you enjoyed. Come again. Thank you.

Harvesting The Elusive Wild Irish Rose

I just returned from another brain-cell-reducing jaunt to visit friends and relatives in Cincinnati, Ohio.
As usual, the experience was charming and challenging. I am always charmed by the magical bums and drunken college kids of Clifton (home of the Uof C). Whether it was Marc Anthony (who, really is more of an over-the-Rhine character) offering to wash my truck for $5 ("It's really a $60 job man, c'mon!") or the metaphysical-bum that stopped me in the park ("You got any change? No? Don't worry about it. You look like an artist. Ya ever mess with crystals?" actually, for a moment I thought he was offering me meth or something but then I realized that he wanted to talk about the power of crystals...strange) I can always be guaranteed an interesting experience in the 'Natti.

This weekend was no exception.
I got to see this dude named "Al"- an older gentleman who works as a bicycle messenger and I say, anytime you see Al then it was a good 'Natti experience. Last time I saw him he was making me try the chicken broth he kept in a thermos in his backpack. He was pretty intoxicated so I let him get away with it.
Otherwise, keep your damn Chicken Broth to yourself unless yer my boy Al you suckas!!!
Anyhoo...
I got to watch a home-video that I helped make the last time I was around and I was reminded of the best game I have ever come across in the 'Natti. No, it ain't hide the sausage you nasty mofo, it's this:

Harvesting the Wild Irish Rose
This game does not involve finding this.
Where's the fun in that?
You look for this.
Yes! Finally a way to find comfort in the sorrows of others. You see, W.I.R. is a cheap-wine, commonly referred to as "bum-piss", that has found a place in the buzz-seeking heart of bums everywhere.
They are known to blossom once the syrupy-goodness intoxicates the lovable bum and the empty bottle is either released unconsciously (as in passing out) or consciously (like being flung out of reach in a rage-induced-by-the-fact-that-there-is-no-more-cheap-wine-to-consume).
Once these bottles find their resting-spot they can blossom as treasure or trash...it all depends on you.
They can be found in their protective brown wrapping or in their full naked glory.
And they are everywhere. Look up and down when hunting the elusive W.I.R.
Finding the elusive W.I.R. takes a good eye and determination. Or at least, having nothing better to do as you wander through the park looking for a safe-place to smoke.
Chad and Aaron turned me onto this wonderful game and it has been dancing around in my head bumping into my THC-frozen synapses ever since. There is no point system-rather, the glory and fun are mainly to be found in the moment of discovery. Once a W.I.R. has been sighted, all participants must stop what they are doing to huddle around the found object and attempt to discern it's history. Occasionally what is thought to be a W.I.R. really turns out to be something worse-say, MD-20/20-because of the confusing brown-bag camouflage. But this is to be expected if one is to play the game by the rules.

No cheating! You may suspect a brown-bag to contain a W.I.R. but until all participants are huddled around the object you cannot open the bag to see if you are correct. Non-W.I.R. are promptly laughed at, and occasionally destroyed. If however, you are lucky enough to find a W.I.R. then give props to your boys and try and figure out how it found it's way from the gas-station cooler to the public park.
Once you all offer your opinions on the history of the bottle you can either leave it to be discovered by others, destroy it, or dispose of it properly in a trash-can. Then, you must find more.

Bonus Props to whoever discovers a Wild Irish Rose with an empty pack of cheap-cigarettes stuffed inside.
Bonus-Bonus Props if you find a W.I.R. blossoming in the hand of a passed-out (or dead) bum.
Obviously, the game can be played anywhere there is a high-concentration of poverty, suffering and broken dreams. Except Muncie, Indiana. Those bums drink beer and they are called college-students.
Or, as the University Police seems to think: target practice.
So next time you are in a public-park do yourself a favor and check under those bushes that smell like urine and look like someone sleeps there-you just might find the elusive Wild Irish Rose.
And there are new strains popping up daily-Fruit Punch, ginseng,etc. etc.
YOU NEVER KNOW WHAT YOU MIGHT FIND!
Fresh for 2004 you suckas!!!!!

Sunday, April 18, 2004

Sounds Tainted To Me...

I saw this on my friends refridgerator, googled it and found out where it was so my visitors (waddap you two) could enjoy it as much as I did. And by that I mean, finding a theorem that I can refer to in moments of crisis, like say, when I'm desperately pretending that my hand is really Tyra Banks vagina, and I need some way to justify my actions so that I don't feel like a lonely, creepy pervert. So that way I can be like "oh man, this is sooo pathetic-but hey, remember girls are evil and there is no doubt that a hot evil woman like this would prefer anal penetration...so really I'm doing them a favor by not condoning their evil wicked ways and-ah! Ah! Ahhhhh. Now what was I thinking about? Lord what a mess."

Or was that too personal?
If it was then do yourself a favor and never ask me about Japanese women either. RRRRRAHHHHH!

But, before I made my viewers squeamish, the ideas rattling around my head all had to do with relationships between women and men and the issues surrounding them.
Two of my best friends recently broke up with their girlfriends of 2 years each (which was a little weird) and I have had the pleasure (or something like that) of hanging out with them trying to figure out what went wrong with their respective relationships. While both of them came to different conclusions (in one case it was the man saying "damn, I was lying to myself" and the other it was "damn, that bitch was lying to me about sleeping with other people") it seems to me that the crux of a relationship is communication.
Now don't expect me to get all new-age metaphysical-feel-good-jive-talkin'-bullshit on you.
Hell no!
I mean, once people start getting past the initial dating stage and all that bullshit ("Oh you like Friends too? Wow, finally someone I can fuck who feels the same way I do! We must be soul-mates!") Don't these people owe it to each other to kinda lay out a map of what each person respects in the relationship?
I mean, if you are trying to fuck as many people as you can then perhaps you shouldn't be dating that devout Christian who thinks you are going to marry them. It seems to me though that honesty would be the best policy in relationships even if it breaks them up or whatever. Look, if your girlfriend gets offended when you make some comment like "damn girl your thighs look like a platter of cottage cheese" then maybe you two weren't meant to be. Plus, i don't know what yer doing with a girl who has cottage-cheese thighs...that's nasty dog! I just wonder if most of these people I see together are lying to themselves and their partners because they fear being alone. i think often, people lie to themselves and their partners as a compromise because they are too lame to not be in a relationship for any length of time. i know fools like that. Well, whatever, work is done for the day, so this post is as well.
Perhaps I'll be back to finish this thought....who knows? Who cares?
Outro.

Friday, April 16, 2004

This One's For You My Tennessee Friend!

I was just reading O-Dub's blog and he posted a picture of this license plate he saw and that got me thinking about the greatest license plate I have ever seen.
I was driving back from NOLA, the city that smells like urine (TM) and when I was driving through Nashville, Tennessee some red car passed me, so I was like "damn, that's a fast drivin' cat. I wonder if-what the?"
It was then I noticed the license plate:
WINE PMP
After a little debate me and my passengers finally decided that it meant "Wine Pimp" and that we were lucky to be sharing the pavement with a procures of fine fermented grape juices. We were so thrilled that we packed the pipe then and there. Ah memories...
So, this post is for you WINE PIMP! Break some bottles if they ain't tastin' right.
Pimp juice?
Fuck that noise.
Fermented Grape Juice.
A man who arranges meetings between wine products and people who consume them.
Now that's gangsta!
Out!

Wednesday, April 14, 2004

More Words Of Wisdom From Our POTUS

"Governor, thank you very much. I am here to make an announcement that this Thursday, ticket counters and airplanes will fly out of Ronald Reagan Airport."
-Arlington, Virginia; October 2, 2001

Obviously in reference to the nations airports getting back to business as usual following 9-11, but damn, once GDub bungles something it almost kinda works in a surreal way.

And I know I mentioned this last post but Jesus that was some press conference.
Incoherant waffling on pointed questions and still people think he did okay!
You do realise of course that if we elect this dupe in November then the world (and myself) won't really care when we get attacked again? They'll be like:
"Well America, you deserve it."
And as I'm moving to Canada (lord if it were only that simple) I will agree.
Next time there's a press-conference (doubt it) I advise GDub to smoke a blunt before the speech.
It can't hurt.
Plus, you know he can get that Presidential. No seeds no stems.
Holla!

Tuesday, April 13, 2004

The Presidential Press Conference...An Hour of Stream-OF-Consciousness Babble

Oh my.
I'm still nervous. I'm shaking from it.
I thought for sure I was going to witness the POTUS have a heart-attack.
Hell, I thought I would too. The nervousness seemed contagious.
I was sweating and stammering as well.
Me:"N-n-n-no more hits-uhm, the world is better for it, uhhh-"

POTUS:"Again I repeat what I said earlier...drone drone drone..."

I loved it when he didn't answer a question and the press corps started to call him on it (y'know..."harrumph" and muttering) and he shouted them down and took the next question.
He looked so nervous and his spee-er, uhhmm, what exactly was that anyway...his uh, patriotic ramblings were at best, vague and incoherant. I looked at the comment section over at Eschaton and they were saying multiple networks (Fox included cuz I was watching it) said his speech and answers were "forceful."
SAY WHAT?
The only forceful element I encountered was the strong desire to vote him out of office right now.
Right now dammit right now. I demand a vote!
Vote this nervous no-question-answerin' tool out of office for one reason and one reason alone:
Whether or not he actually is or is not, our President portrays himself as an incoherant and arrogant fool.
You cannot argue with that. I doubt John Kerry will be the answer to all of our problems but damn...
at least he could give a coherant speech with clear answers.
This press confrence-really a farce, shows why he has held so few confrences so far.
He has nothing to say.
Thats both sad and scary.
Out in November. Let him spend the rest of his days rambling and stumling over speeches on the lecture circuit. He's got Secret Service Protection for life. He's set for life. Send him back to Texas.
NO MORE.

Cuz I know you don't read the newspapers

Check this out.
It's an article in the latest New Yorker about Aaron MacGruder and The Boondocks.
Very revealing. I learned that
a) my suspicions were correct: MacGruder doesn't even draw it anymore. Jim davis anyone?
b) while giving a speech he once grabbed his balls and challenged Eric Alterman to a fight.
c) while Boondocks may not be as good as it used to be...I still love it.
Why? He hates Bil Keane and Mort Walker as much as I do.
If that's not reason enough to let him pass then you don't know your comics.
Now for something completely different:

Too Much Singin' In Hip-Hop

I don't think I'll be checking for that new Dialated Peoples album. Upon hearing the song I must say:
Please, quit this singin' shit in Hip-Hop.
I don't know what it is about these underground artists that start off as underground-battle-rhymin'-let's change-the-world kinda Mc's and then in the course of 3 albums they got mufuckahs singin all syrupy over a chorus:
"I can't live my life I can't live my life...dah dah dah...this waaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyy"
*GROAN*
Now I know Kanye West produced this beat and Talib Kweli's "Get By" and I gotta ask:
Why did Dialated Peoples have to remake Get By?
I mean, c'mon, same content in both: It's time for me to stop gettin high and drinkin so I can tend to my own business and start becoming something. Oh and I got some girls to sing my chorus so it sounds pretty.
Look, I agree with the sentiment...there are too many people livin' their life wrong but do you need to make a song twice about it? I mean, does Kanye West come in and go:
"Yo, I got this beat, and it's all about how we need to start bein more responsible."
some studio guy is like:
"Yeah, I heard that song, it's called Talib Queli's "Get By" and the rest of that album made me want to stop listening to him. Too much goddamn singing all over that shit. Is that what this beat is gonna sound like too?"
Kanye: "yes, but this beat has flutes on it."

I dunno, I guess I'm conflicted. I mean I like Dialated Peoples but it just seems like a blatant attempt to crossover and get that mainstream appeal. I mean, Evidence, the dude who was pictured in the liner to his last album, surrounded by jars of weed, is going to tell me to quit smokin herb in his first verse on the new single?
Uhhhh no thanks pal.
So Imma wait until I hear this album but for now I bet I will feel the same way about it as I did "Quality".
Dissapointment. Great lyrics. Too much syrupy singin. If I wanted that I'd listen to some R & B.
The two should not mix.
But on another note, "Get By" sampled Nina Simone, and I just picked up a vinyl copy of "Let It All Out" the other day for three dollars. Ah, god bless you flea-market-record-seller-man.
I also picked up Milt Jacksons "SunFlower(s ?)" for 5 bucks. Well worth it.
I will listen to these now and get blazed.
God I love my days off even though it's always nasty and rainy outside.
I guess that just means more time to write and draw.
Which is fine by me.
out.

Whaddap Ya'll

Aiight, this is a weird post, so forgive me. So my roommate gets Maxim magazine. Let me say that I feel the same way about Maxim as I feel about say, modern abstract painting: It's pretty to look at but as far as I can see devoid of content. I was trying to come up with a simile for comparison but fuck it here's a insight to why Maxim sucks:
Their latest issue features Courtney Love's new album as the record of the month.
C'mon fellas, that skank has had her 15 minutes. Let her overdose alone. She needs no more attention.
I know she is a girl and she plays guitar but gentlemen...she is a terrible musician who rode the heroin-addled back of her former husband to mediocre-celebrity status. Now for the good of mankind, let's ignore her for good. I mean, Christ, she even did the "I-showed-my-boobs-to-David-Letterman-schtick-a-la-Drew-Barrymore" bit. ARRRRGH!
Overdose please. I will buy the heroin.
But...the whole reason I bring up the Maxim is because of an ad in the magaizine for some new Axe Body Spray. In this ad, they show a bikini-clad model riding a horse with a giant armpit with legs. Or at least I think that's what it looks like. To me it looks like a hairy nut-sack with feet.
Either way that shit is gross. I 've always thought those axe ads were condescending (wear our cologne/body-spray and women will get wet when they smell you...you will have sex 24/7...buy some AXE dumbass!) but I will say this because it is now official:
If you buy Axe body-spray then you want to smell like a giant nut-sack riding a horse.
It's the only logical conclusion. Stay away from that shit!
Out!

Friday, April 09, 2004

Take a Motorcyle Tour of Chernobyl

Heard about this on the coast to coast AM radio show during a midnight run from Chicago to Indianapolis.
Check it out. Make sure you have a little time to spare 'cause it's well worth viewing in it's entireity.

And on entirely different note:
Check out the mighty Cocaine Blunts & Hip hop Tapes for a hilarious look at hip-hop with...ah, hell, it's just good goddammit.
Other day the dude called Cam'Ron "the Willy Wonka of Hip-Hop". Wish I wrote that. That's good.
Plus it gets me all nostalgic about the F-Town $uicide$ and the old garage...
Ah, but another day for that story...
outro.

Wednesday, April 07, 2004

Cam'RON-The Genius

HA! Now, don't mistake this as hate ya'll cuz I actually have a little bit of respect for Cam'Ron now that I've seen him and Dame Dash on Bill O' Riley's show holding their own. It was great, Cam was callin O'Riley a hater an' shit.
Good fun. Anyhoo, I noticed this on a few other blogs and thought it was interesting:

So he's doing a new version of "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun" because the world DOES need a new perspective on this time-less issue and we can all count ourselves blessed to have the genius of Cam'Ron doing his best to update Cyndi Lauper's insights:
Scene: Cam at home listening to "GJWHFun":
Cyndi:"they just wanna-they just wanna-have-fun..."
Cam'Ron (scribbling thoughts onto notepad): Yeah, I'm feelin that. Girls just wanna have fun. That's hot. Put that on the record!"

Anyway, later on in this article they talk about Cam'Ron's propensity towards the color pink:

"As popular as Cam has become from his raps, he's almost as well-known for being a hip-hop fashion plate. He's looking to set his next milestone, and get paid for it at the same time: Believe it or not, Killa is trying to patent his own color(yes this last sentence was in the report...).

"I'm working with some scientists," he said. "I don't know how I'm gonna go about doing it. It's unfortunate that I didn't take advantage of the whole pink situation, being that I'm the one that really put pink in the market. Tommy Hilfiger, Calvin Klein, they see me and be like, 'Dude, you're responsible for putting this in the market.' I'm a trendsetter. It's not just black people. You go up in Neiman Marcus, Saks Fifth Avenue, it's pink heaven. I'm responsible."

Although Cam has been synonymous with pink for the past couple of years, his affinity is slowly wearing off. He just sold his pink Range Rover on eBay for $160,000 (see "Cam'ron Unloading Pink SUV Before Offering Up Purple Haze"), but he plans on painting both his Bentley and his Rolls-Royce Phantom that color.

Still, "For me, it's dying out," he said. "I go places and they be like, 'Why don't you have pink on?' [It's like] I can't even perform without having pink on. People gotta see it."

Okay. Skip the initial reaction to his whole "I started this pink-fashion thing!" Which, I say, let him have that crown. But, can you imagine Cam'Ron sittin down with scientists tryin to figure out a color?
ENVISION THIS:
Scene:(Cam'Ron in pink labcoat is surrounded by a gaggle of white scientists with white lab coats on. The environment is sterile, with the exception of marijuana stems and seeds strewn about, next to the ashtrays overflowing with the insides of various cigars. There are numerous papers strewn about and a thick cloud of marijuana covers the room. A few scientists cough as Cam'Ron lights a blunt.

Cam: "Aiiight, now this colors gotta be some'n new ya heard? Some'n n****as can feel son." (Looks into scientist's eyes sitting directly in front of him...scientist flinches nervously.)Cam continues:
"Now this right here (picks up sample color) this ain't shit. I said green and whaddayou mu'fuckhas come up with? Kelly Green mixed with Apple Green? Oh hell no!!!
You need orange hairs in this shit son! Like somma this dodi I been smokin'. (Takes pull of blunt)
Ooh, actually it could use some pink hairs in there too. This shit's hot (begins coughing-fit).
(Scientists look puzzled...Cam is not getting through to them...he realizes this...suddenly he has an idea)

Cam: (recovering from coughing-fit) "Oh thas good, uhm, I know what'll get you crackas motivated! You need to talk to my boy NORE! (whips out celly calls NORE...says whattap and then explains the situation...he nods his heads a few times and then smiles and sez) Aiight NORE, good lookin'. Out."
SCIENTISTS: (as one) What'd he say?
Cam (smiling): "he says ya'll scientists need to get those computers 'putin or else he's gonna light a roman candle and swim the English Channel with his cocker-spaniel y'heard?"
ALL Scientists shuffle and mutter...they have no idea what he means. Suddenly one has an idea:
SCIENTIST ONE: "Perhaps Mr. Killa Cam, perhaps you should share that blunt so we can see the colors that you see."
Cam (with a tear in his eye): "Now that's what I'm sayin dog. Take a pull offa this and you'll understand."
(Embraces scientist) "You my N***a dog. Woof!"
SCENE ENDS...camera pulls away as scientists hit the blunt and start scribbling down ideas. Cam now has a silly grin as he turns up the stereo to hear his own "What Means the World to Me". A few scientsits start singing Roxanne much to his displeasure. Fade out.

So, yeah, I had a little free time today.
Hope you enjoyed.
Out.

Ah, The Wit and Wisdom of Dead White People

I noticed these in the comments section of Counterspin/Hesiod and thought they were worth stealing without apology. Most of them are Winston Churchill quotes with some history provided.
I plagiarism mercilessly and remain unapologetically.

"Lady Astor wholeheartedly supported the Chamberlain government's appeasement policies, including, of course, his agreement with the devil at Munich. Her eyes were only opened when Hitler took Prague early the next year, at which time, to her credit, she acknowledged Churchill's comprehension of Nazi Germany as having proved superior to her former delusions.

Still, they never clicked on a personal level. Like every great artist, Churchill may well have catalogued a similar remark for future use, but, as likely, probably not. He was a very, very witty guy, who possessed a great sense of humor." They were quoted as having this exchange:

"At an elegant dinner party, Lady Astor once leaned across the table to remark, "If you were my husband, Winston, I'd poison your coffee."
"And if you were my wife, I'd drink it," came Churchill's unhesitating retort."

The author continues:
"The British are good at the withering insult. Winding back a number of decades, to when Disraeli and Gladstone were regularly at each other's throats, in Parliament. Disraeli had used the words 'disaster' and 'catastrophe' in the same sentence, and Gladstone objected, he found the sentence imprecise, and wanted Disraeli to distinguish between disaster and catastrophe.

d!Israeli: If the honored Gladstone were to fall in the Thames, that would be a disaster. Were he to be helped out, that would be a catastrophe.

The House exploded with laughter."

To which another person adds:

"There's also this exchange between those two:

Gladstone: Sir! You will meet your end either on the gallows or of venereal disease.

Disraeli: I should think that depends entirely upon whether I embrace your principles or your mistress."
Smashing! And here's the last one:

"Clever things that Churchill probably did say:

In Parliament in the 1950s, when he still sat even though he was no longer Tory leader, two backbenchers sat behind him. One whispered "they say he’s gone senile. Poor chap."

Churchilll turned right around and roared "They say he has also gone deaf as well!!"

Ah, that Churchill, such a cad. Same goes for Glandstone and Disraeli.
Go to this site for more mad-cap fun, tilted language and a monkey and a crow. Enjoy!





Sunday, April 04, 2004

THANK YOU DEAD PREZ STREET TEAM!!!

So I'm at this party last night in the trendy-college-scene part of town last night with a bunch of kids who are real into rock or rather, what passes as rock these days. So there's alot of black t-shirts, hipster types, trucker hats, tinted sunglasses, half-way long haired dudes and skinny-funny lookin chicks. In fact, I have never seen so many bird noses on girls at one place. It's like they all came for the cheap beer and seeds and then decided to stay and listen to emotional music while they look at the ground and smoke light cigarettes. Uh...yeah.
I'm chillin upstairs tryin to get away from the real loud rock kickin in the basement just watchin people and lookin for the only three people I knew at this little shindig. I look over on this table and some girls settin up a box full of matches advertising some new rock band like the table is at some record store or something. There's ads for like Modest Mouse and uh, the Killravens (i think) plastered all over the apartment. It was wierd, like some record store knew most of their audience would be at this party. Hmmm...
There's a bunch of stickers on the table when I walk by later in the evening. Even later, I walk by the table and there's a bunch of flyers and stickers for a bunch of bands I don't care about and then something catches my eye: What's this? Dead Prez stickers?? What the fuck?"
I start buggin out at this huge stack of stickers and grab a big handful and as I'm looking around to see who's watching me I see it:
The new Dead Prez Cd: RBG. Just came out Tuesday. Sitting unguarded on this table.
My eyes bulge and some passing hipster-chick laughs and flashes her huge horse-teeth at my reaction.
Out the way bitch, that's some revolutionary-but-gangta music over there, I think as I push past her and snatch the Cd to look at it. OHO! It's a promo copy! There's a hole punched through the bar-code!
I want it.
I glance around again and suddenly my roommates are next to me. "What ya got there?"
"Ooh-just take it-I bet no one here knows who that is!"
He's right, I think as I stuff it into my pocket real incognito. These fools don't know what this is.
I celebrate with a free cup of kegged beer.
Ah satisfaction!
Later on, and more intoxicated, I spot a guy in a Dead Prez t-shirt. he's walkin by me.
"hey man," I ask, "you like Dead Prez street team or something?"
"Yeah yeah" he says , attempting to slide by me.
"You heard that new album? Is it good?"
"I dunno" he said "I haven't heard it yet." He then made it to the door and escaped into the chilly night.
I grabbed a near-by bottle of wine and held it aloft:
"For you DP Street-team-random-white-dude! I hope I stole your promo copy! If not, hell yeah!" i gulped down the remains of a merlot wine. Nasty but satisfying.
After a drunken-drive home (I didn't drive) I got back to the crib and popped in the CD and p-p-packed the pipe.
Even wasted I could tell this album is nowhere near as good as people been sayin it is. The best track was on one of their mixtapes anyway. Oh well maybe it'll grow on me...
But shit, at least it was free. i wonder what they would think about it?
Some white kid in Indiana has a promo DP CD. They'd be like:
"Slap a white boy-stab your PO-blah blah blah"
The song with Jay-Z at the end wasn't too bad, and I can't stand Jay-Z. And just like their first album
there's two awesome hidden tracks.
"Turn off the radio...crank up yo speakers your woofers and your tweeters"
Awww yeah...can't be too mad at free shit.
I do wish I would've slapped some hipster chick with it. I would love to see a copy of RBG knock off a pair of tinted sunglasses off those slim, streamlined, bird noses. Also, nothing better than laughing at these same people suckin on nitrus baloons as you ash a jay in a Biz Markie record-turned-ashtray.
Ah, the charmed life...
Out.

Friday, April 02, 2004

Ol' Lightning Wit Strikes Again

As the two of you who read this blog know, I have long hair and a beard. It's dark, so I get alot of comparisons to Jesus. That and I'm known to sleep for three days at a time and then rise triumphantly.
Anyhoo...
I'm downtown walkin' across this street with my hair down and this dude walks past me and says:
"Whoa. Seen 'The Passion' yet?" and keeps walkin away from me. I keep walking.
Three steps later the best response comes to mind:
"Oh yeah man, I saw the passion is your mothers eyes after we finished the rough anal sex."
I almost yelled it at the dude but I didn't think the lady that was behind me would understand...
Damn my lightning wit!
Sorry about the lack of posts...was in Austin Texas this weekend for a wedding. It was a good time.
So good in fact, that I drank Crown Royal on the rocks...and didn't throw up!
Plus I got to see my brother for a little bit and get reminded of what really matters in life.
And what really matters in life are bootleg copies of "Kill Bill" and "City of God". Go watch City of God.
Brilliant. I mean it. Go. Watch. Now.
And another important thing about life is...old Peruvian records. Saiva Andila (i think) rules!
Good work bro! Your contribution to hip-hop will not be unrecognized. Be safe down there.
Watch the smokin' though...it'll get ya before you know it. Aiiight. Out until later.

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?