Wednesday, June 30, 2004

More News Of The Scum


I started my day off right by once again failing to commit to a non-smoking regiment. Christ I need to buy some coffee so I can have some kinda buzz in the mornings, otherwise it's time to start doin' speed like those truckers. Maybe I'll splurge and get some of the good coffee for once. No more ALDI's coffee for me!

Of course, I didn't even need any coffee when I saw this article (via atrios). George ain't going nowhere ya'll. He wasn't elected the last time, so why should this time be any different? I'm taking some time off near November and camping out with those people I know with Ak-47's in case the shit starts poppin'. These are jokes right now, but if there is another terrorist attack...I'm pullin out the "Guerilla Warfare" CIA manuals I bought a few years back.
Watch me make a candy-bar into a booby-trap. BLOOKUM!

Kanye West is still making Jesus cry somewhere with that obscene Jesus piece he's reppin'to the 3rd version of a video for his "Jesus Walks" song where him and Jesus walk around and heal cripples and shit (seriously). I gotta hope that Jesus also ganks that Jesus piece and uses it to brain Kanye with it, saving me the effort.

Oh and speaking of freaks-for-Jesus, here's the link to Jack T. Chick's website. If you have never seen any Chick tracts then I feel sorry for you, because every time I see one I snag it and add it to my collection. These little tract/comic-books are so horrible and insane that they are almost beautiful. Just go over there and be amazed at the kind of shit that this dude writes about. Fanatical Christians are always funny except when they are the figurehead for your nation. Then that shit is scary.

Head on over to Greg Palast (my favorite investigative reporter)to read some more depressing shite that is no doubt, true. Plus in his weblog he prints an Email he got from Noam Chomsky. If only I could get a note from Noam. Maybe someday:
Chiseven: Nice post on your proposal concerning AIDS-victims being allowed to legally skull-fuck Nancy Reagan. Still, your post could have more about indoctrination. Noam. Boy, that would rule. Espescially since I just used the words "skull-fucking" and Nancy Reagan in the same sentence. Nasty!

Taibbi. Need I say more? I think not.

Kristof has an opinion piece in today's NYtimes. Read it if you want, but I'll save you the effort: "Bush didn't lie...he just misrepresented the truth." Uh-huh. Look Jackoff, all politicians lie-that's what politicians do. Of course that mu'fuckah lied! It's like KRS-ONE said: "Every president that we've ever had lied, y'know I'm kinda glad Nixon died." AWWW-YEAH! I apologize for the lame content of this post. Slow day.

And finally...

I'm over what I wrote about. I changed this post as a result.
I'm out.
*BAMF!*

Monday, June 28, 2004

SHOCKING!


So the U.S. handed over authority to the Iraqis? Yeah right. If you really look at what took place, it don't mean shit. They said they did it early to avoid militant atacks on the day of the O.G. handover. Uh-huh. It has nothing to do with Farenheit 911 opening this weekend either (now, I seriously don't think a movie could change the timetable, but as a junior conspiracy theorist-in-training, it is my duty to point out these things). Eh, whatever, it's all an illusion. Our government is run by insane fanatical capitalist fascist fucks. I bet these dudes jack off into the American flag while rubbing $100 dollar bills underneath their noses. Whoa! Where'd that come from?

I spotted this over at cursor.org. Senator Joseph Biden had this interesting tidbit: "I was in the Oval Office the other day, and the president asked me what I would do about resignations. I said, "Look, Mr. President, would I keep Rumsfeld? Absolutely not." And I turned to Vice President Cheney, who was there, and I said, "Mr. Vice President, I wouldn't keep you if it weren't constitutionally required." I turned back to the president and said, "Mr. President, Dick Cheney and Don Rumsfeld are bright guys, really patriotic, but they've been dead wrong on every major piece of advice they've given you. That's why I'd get rid of them, Mr. President -- not just Abu Ghraib." They said nothing. Just sat like big old bullfrogs on a log and looked at me." Ha haaaa! Of course, as soon as Biden left, Cheney choked W. with his delicate hands screaming "how dare you let him speak to me that way! This is my show you little bitch!" then his pacemaker fluttered and Cheney lost his train of thought and he returned to his secret bunker to swim in his gold-coins like Uncle Scrooge. That dude always looks pissed. What a chode.

Well, apparently that business over at Byron Crawford's site has been resolved. I guess the dudes little brother used his older brothers Email account to spew ignorance. Don't be sendin any mail to him, as his only mistake is being related to a knuckle-head fuck. otherwise, bol is killin' it as usual. Stop by and show him some love.

Went shoppin' for some records today at these two Goodwill's on the South Side of town. The first one wasn't too bad because I brought my portable record-player and I sat down for like 2 hours listenin' to a pile of records. But, I swear, at least 3 people came up to me when I was listenin like "how much do they want for that record player?" I had to explain to them that it was mine and it wasn't for sale, and even if it was, wouldn't the fact that I'm sittin here listening to records probably mean that I would want it? None of them really understood this point either. I got some blank stares and even had some dude askin me how much his old Elton John records were worth. What am I, a record price book? Sheeeit. Plus, mu'fuckahs see me sportin' some headphones and there all askin' me questions. I don't want to talk goddammit, I'm listenin' to music you silly fucks. Oh well, one dude that worked there was like "oh shit, I've never seen anyone do that! that's prety samrt." yep. Betta rec'nize. Got about 15 records and Krush Groove soundtrack which is ehhhh, but I got that Chic record with the "Good Times" sample used in "Rappers Delight" which is just nice to have. the other Goodwill i went to sucked. Shitty shitty shitty Christmas and Christian records. then some dude see's me diggin through a stack of wax and he's like "What are you looking for?" I'm like, "uhhhh, records man" as I flip through a stack. Then he's like 'whoa! slow down!" cause I'm flippin through pretty fast. He's like "oh! The Village People! Didn't they do YMCA?" And damn my slow wit, I should've said "I have no idea man, I'm not gay, unlike you with your hard-on for the Village people." Then he asks me if some dude on the cover is Glen something and I tell him I have no idea what he's talkin about. He finally went away, but not before commenting on my portable record-player: "What, are you trying to impress people with that?" Yeah dude, I walk into every Goodwill I can with Vestax in hand with the sincere desire to impress weird overly-friendly homosexuals. So then, I'm walking out and the lady at the counter is all asking me if I brought the record player in 'cause she thought I was stealin it. I showed it to her and explained what it was but she was still givin' me the crook-eye so i was like "call the cops if you want, this is mine, and I'm leaving now." That bitch didn't do shit. Looked at me dumbly. If I was stealing from Goodwill wouldn't that be doing them a favor anyway? That bitch gets the gas-face.

Worked my ass off this last week, so that's why there haven't been any posts. My work had a big event which is an all-weekend thing that involves me movin' tables and stackin' chairs and shit. Oh, and ridin' around on golf-carts. A few dudes I know tweaked their golf-carts to get more speed, so I'd catch a ride with them anytime I could. the best part was the after-party where me and the co-workers get down and drink alchohol and talk shit about people who aren't there. Ain't nothing better than seein' yer co-workers slammin Tequilla and Coronas while letting you know how they REALLY feel about you. Got told I was cute by some married lady and some other chick was talkin about my ass. That's weird, cuz I'm like george carlin, I have no ass. It's this flat ledge that just sorta hangs off my back. Anyway, I did get to hear some spicy gossip and know I know who hates who and who was showin their titties off a few years ago at a different after-work party. Scandalous! of course, next time I see all these people we'll act like nothing ever happened. Ah, the magic of alchohol.

Oh shit, and I didn't even mention the fact that I saw some titties earlier this week when some chick I know was wearin no bra and bendin over in front of me. Damn right I'm gonna look. And she was none the wiser. Ha-haaaa! That will do for now. In the future I hope to see those again but not with some lucky glance or anything. Yes-yes. Chiseven's got a plan to stick it to a dram. I used the Moka-Only slanguage there, referring to a woman as a dram-no doubt referring to the inherent drama of women. And I refrenced "SuperFly" too. Goddamn, I'm the shit.

Oh, and I just remember that I got that sticky smellin up my bookbag. Which makes me wonder, "What the fuck am I doing sitting here sober?" Time to remedy that situation. Man, I can't wait for my brother to get back from Peru so we can smoke. That's it for now ya'll. Enjoy.

Tuesday, June 22, 2004

Once Again Back is the Incredible


First off, if any of you ever read Thomas Friedman, then I'm sorry for you, but if you read Taibbi, then there's no need. As usual, great stuff from Taibbi.

Is anyone else not surprised when another Bush appointee turns out to be scum. It's about time Ashcroft gets some critical attention. Let's hope he gets caught in his lie, so he can go to jail like Tommy Chong, only this time they'll be putting a real crook behind bars.

The President wants you to understand that he has huge balls. The President claims the right to waive anti-torture laws and treaties covering prisoners of war concerning the "War on Terror." Who's this muthafuckah think he is? Please, please, please, if there is a God, please convict George Bush of War Crimes. The only un-elected president indicted for War Crimes. Has a great ring to it! How could these knucklehead fucks around me defend that?

Or, maybe, not many can deny that Bush sucks. It begins...

I knew it! I knew T-Boz and her sickle-cell-anemia-havin' self couldn't hang with Wack-10 too long! And he beat her! Westside's new album must not have sold much, so he figured he'd take it outta T-Boz's ass. Check this:

In court documents, she said, “My husband informed me that he would smash my teeth down my throat. I asked my husband to give my daughter back to me and I reached for her, and my husband pushed me to the ground twice.” Damn! Hoo-Ridin' indeed.

Coming to a cut-out bin near you. OKAYYYYYYY?!? Lil' Jon and Paris Hilton finally acknowledge all the pleading letters for them to collaborate. I mean, what the fuck does paris Hilton possibly have to say? Do we really not understand the plight of a rich girl, famous for nothing except her night-camera action? She get's deep ya'll. Lil' jon better be tappin' that and then makin' money off the video. Word.

Those dudes over at hiphopsite say that People Under the Stairs got a new album coming out in September, called "Stepfather." I can't confirm this, but if it's true then September is gonna be tha shit. I was bumpin' "...Or Stay Tuned" today as I was drawing this comic-strip. Speaking of that comic-strip, I should probably get back to inkin' it, but I gotta give ya'll some love.

Finally, Bol over at byroncrawford.com has posted the comments from some douche who sounds like he's in the KKK. Peep it here. You gotta Email this Brad Benites some articulate criticism at bwpokertables@hotmail.com Tell that dude he's a chode, but do it proper. I'm gonna think about my response and then post it up, cuz, Iwant that can of High-Life dammit. mmmm. Had four of those last night. Could go for a few right now. Oh well, guess I'll settle for the Herbal Essence.
Until then, I'll be waiting for the Bol update. check the teaser:
LATER THIS WEEK:

We use the power of the Internet to track down this asshole (no homo) and expose him for the Nazi Youth that he is to his friends, family, coworkers and anybody else who might be interested. Beeyotch!


I can't wait.
*BAMF!*

Saturday, June 19, 2004

Now I can Sleep Again...


Just a quick note...found out that I've been lusting after someone who is taken. Kinda sucks, but at least I know now so I can have some closure to this little episode in my life. I've been sleeping terribly because of this, but I found out today, so it's all good. Ahhhhhh. I should've known...the good ones are always taken. Ah well, maybe now I can get back on track and be back to my usual self. *sigh* I hope ya'll are doing well cuz I'm kinda bummed these days...I seem to be drifting away from my friends and I'm spending more time alone than I used to...and that's not good. I guess it's all training for when I live alone and put up clippings from newspapers on the wall and try to construct complex patterns and flow charts to prove that the Masons have been controlling my mind with fluoride or something. All humor aside, you guys should give me a call (I don't have a phone card)cuz I need to talk to my boys. Much love and respect fellas...I'm gonna go write a sad song on guitar.
(chiseven slowly walks away...)

Friday, June 18, 2004

Words From the Mayor


Aiiight, let's get this entry poppin with a fresh link. Now, before I go any further, let me just state that it has been a sincere desire of mine to somehow fashion my hair into the basic shape of a helicopter. After countless hours of convincing various ladies I know to try and come up with the blueprints to make this dream of mine come true, I still was no further in my quest. Today, my friends, this quest comes to an end (spotted at boingboing.net). Now, as soon as I get home I'm gonna start the process and BAM! I'll be halfway to California before the night falls. I knew I was growing my hair long for a reason.

There's a new issue of the Onion online! Here's a sample News In Brief:


Mugger Can't Believe Crap Victim Has On MP3 Player
BOSTON—Following the successful mugging of a jogger in Franklin Park, petty criminal Derek Mesker announced Monday that he cannot believe the shit he's found on his victim's Philips 20GB MP3 player. "3 Doors Down? Maroon 5!" Mesker said, scrolling through the songs. "The new Counting Crows?! Man, I'm glad I pistol-whipped that motherfuck." Mesker added that the first thing he did was toss the device's "gay-ass" teal neoprene case.

You're prayers have been answered Joe. I know I'll be watching, bible in hand.

Cheney is upset that the truth is finally seeing a bit of light. Listen to this:

"The press, with all due respect, (is) often times lazy, often times simply reports what somebody else in the press said without doing their homework." Uh, yeah, that is true to an extent, but I would think it's more of an editorial decision (or the owners of the press)to decide what the public hears(reads) about. But it sounds like Ol' Cheney is mad that the press isn't actually giving him a pass on his obvious lies (why? It's too hard to ignore now.). Awww, c'mon Dick, take that bald dome back to your secret bunker and have yer wife polish that chrome dome as she soothes you with the Iraq-Al Queda connection sound-bites. What a dick.

Head on over to o-dub's SOUL SIDES to hear the greatest remix of all time: Pete Rock's remix of PE's "Shut 'Em Down". Hands down, the best remix ever. Don't sleep you sissies. If yer at work and you have speakers crank those bitches up so that the people around you can enjoy Chuck D's booming voice. Act quick though, these songs are only up for about 10 days at a time. You could download them though and save them mugs. Oh, if anyone has a chance, look up Ghostface Killahs "the Sun" which was supposed to be on Bulletproof Wallets but didn't make it because of clearance issues. This song has Slick Rick, Raekwon and Ghost rapping about how ill the sun is. Best line:
"The Sun could never be pussy, he always comes out..." Classic.
And with that, I'm out.
Next time, (maybe)stories of my youth. Go outside and get some air kids.
*BAMF!*

Thursday, June 17, 2004

News of the Scum


Donald Rumsfeld is a war criminal without a doubt. Can we just finally wash our hands of this corrupt administration and put them all in jail? They've led priveledged lives up until this point. Now, they should all rot in Guantanemo Bay where dogs bite at them and kids half their age punch them in the genitals and mock their religion. After Kerry wins he should bring formal criminal charges against most of the people in that administration. It won't happen, but I can dream huh? And fuck it, if I'm dreaming I also want to see this:
Can I please just see Jesus come back and bitch slap George Bush. If he would come back to do this I will ask to be saved and be the most Christ-like mu'fuckah in the world. So come on, Jesus, if yer coming back, now's the time, when your pimp hand is strong.

You will be satisfied with the crumbs I give you for lunch and you will be thankful. The further adventures of Bush and the Press Corps(e). I agree with Byron Crawford (as usual) and hope that mu'fuckah gets Alzheimers and has to sit in his own waste until his sponge-textured brain quits firing. RRRRRAH!

If we're on the lines of bashing politicians with humor, check out this article from the UK Guardian on Ted Rall (again).

Tony Millionaire is another excellent cartoonist. If you care about that sort of thing.

So the Beastie Men have a new album out. I kinda want it to be good, but after Hello Nasty, I ain't holding my breath. Might be time to ch-ch-ch-check out of hip-hop fellas. You don't want to go out with a "Crown Royal" like RUN-DMC did a few years back. Expect more rhymes like: "badda-badda-badda-badda-badda-badda-BA-Dabba" with every last syllable shouted. How "old-skool"!

Well, Spanish Class starts tonight, so I gotta learn how to speak to the latin ladies so they can figure out that I'm just some other boring American fuck who thinks he's cool cuz he has a passing knowledge of Espanol. Can't wait. Yo, my back is killin' me so I'm gonna go home smoke a fag and crash for a few before class. BOO-YA!
*BAMF!*

Wednesday, June 16, 2004

ALL IN TOGETHER NOW


I'm back ya'll. Sorry for the delay but I've been busy gnawing on the wood on my doorframe to release some of the inner-sexual tension I've been experiencing. Masteurbation just takes too long. I tells ya, what the youth of this day and age need is a good doorframe to gnaw on in their teenage years. Sex isn't even a question when the youth have horrible grinded down teeth, snaggletooths and all. Somebody tell China about this idea.

I walked into the living room recently to find the premier episode of The Red and Meff Show on FOX playing. I'd heard about this, and I have seen "How High" so really there was no need, but I felt like I'd give them a chance.

Those mu'fukahs don't even deserve a break. Until I saw the episode I thought I had seen the worst that a sitcom could offer me, but tonight? Whoa. This show is so unfunny that it is retarded. So therefore, when you watch it, it's like watching that slow kid back in grade-school spastically trying to eat the fruit-cup with his fingers. It's so sad that it is somehow funny. I don't mean to say that Red and Meff could ever be as funny as a retarded kid, because the retarded kid isn't trying to be funny. These two are trying to be funny and they come off retarded. It's like they pitched the idea to the network and then we're like "okay, let's get some white writers in here to make poignant comments about the culture clash that results when two black guys and a mom move into the suburbs with a bunch of white people....nahhhhhhhhhh. We'll write it ourselves!" (The two spark a blunt and smile). ARGGGH! Here's the scoop: Red and Meff and Meff's mom move to a ritzy suburban white neighborhood. Red and Meff have a party and the home-association kicks them out of the neighborhood. So in order to win back favor of whitey they offer white people fruitcake (and every white person is scared of them) and then befriend the neighbor-son and teach him life-lessons and then I turned the TV off. My roomates didn't like that, but they will later understand it's for their own good. Oh yeah, Red and Meff have a TV in every drawer in the kitchen and in the fridge and they got models and bling and a hot-tub and uh, Meff's mom works at a toll-booth. Oh yeah, and Redman is dumb and Meff's mom don't like him. Damn. I feel sorry for any motherfuckah that thinks this shit is good. Brain-dead mu'fuckahs. I predict it will last 3 more episodes. Let's hope so.

In other news: Our Government Still Doesn't Know Shit.

But, there's some new name as the mastermind and it's not Usama Bin Laden. Boy that's weird. I can remember saying that there was a possibility that UBL didn't mastermind the attacks about 2 years ago and everyone was like "oh no,no,no,no...we know he did it." And then getting into a conversation about how you can't trust the government to tell you the truth. Well, ha ha you close-minded fucks. Vindication is mine and as long as you never read these words you'll never know! HA HA! Small victories rule, even if they are entirely of your own making.

F-F-F-F-F-Fuck Ronald Reagan. He fucked up last week by dying and then every-body jacks off about his "legacy" then some mu'fuckah gives federal employees the day off on Friday and I get no mail. Then me and my roommate are talkin' about how we haven't got a new Playboy (or rather, he, hasn't recieved a new issue) yet and I'm like "man, that issue would have come today if it wasn't for Fuckin Reagan...even in death he screws me. Lousy bastard." The next day we got the mail, we had the latest issue of Playboy. So now you understand why up until recently I've been gnawing on doorways. It's okay now though. Oh, and I have drawn an individual Reagen face on each sheet of my toilet paper so...well, I don't have to explain. Pucker up to the puckering poop-shoot Ronny!

I'm gonna return to blogging at work, as evidenced by this post from home on the Mac. No spell check, no link button, no bold button, nothing. And I am not typing in html code all night just to give you something to click on. I love ya'll but damn. That one link took me five-minutes! I'm a man of the new millenium, and I want my links RIGHT NOW. Okay, back tommorrow, fo'sure. Gotta mandatory meeting that's gonna drag my ass to work EARLY so I'm gonna goof off, get paid and blog.
I'm out.

*BAMF!*

Sunday, June 06, 2004

I'm a Little Late But...


I am in the grips of Spring Madness right now. My brain is a cesspool of testosterone due to the fact that I am absolutely crazy about women right now. Now I understand what all these other males have been talkin' about for years. I think that my 6 year drought might be coming to an end pretty soon as I'm getting dangerously close to letting my dating criteria vanish in a cloud of endo smoke. It's gettin' crazy in the brain region these days as if my biological imperative to sew my seed has somehow hijacked my inner-monologue. Now days instead of thinking of what I want to smoke, all I can think about is how I want some lady to smoke the pole. Sheesh. I first noticed it on Friday walking home from work as I blew yet another opportunity to talk to some lady I'm interested in. Because no matter how sex-crazed I get it still doesn't matter because it is much easier to be shy than to put yourself out there. I think I need to work on my testicular fortitude or something. 'Cause all I can think about is girls. All this weekend I'm like trying to analyze each little movement, encounter, etc. etc.
*Sigh*I feel like a little girl cuz I got a crush. Man, what a fucking geek.
Awwww. Little Chiseven is growing up.

Yep. And it is hilarious to find myself at work thinkin about some proposal or draft or something and then I just find myself drifting into some school-boy crush on whatever lady is on my mind at the time. It even happens when mu'fuckhas be talkin' to me too and I'm usually a pretty attentive conversationalist. I feel like I'm 14 years old for the first time again. But the thing that cracks me up about all this shit is that I don't have like sexual fantasies or anything, they're all about just kickin' with a lady, walkin'around, having' nice conversations, etc.
What am I, a repressed housewife or what? I feel like Elmo from Sesame Street when he first discovered his erection (oh you didn't see that one? It was great, he thought it was a firehose). GAH! When I'm at work, though, I can't be lettin' these instinctual urges drive my behavior or I wouldn't be gettin anything done, so I have found my favorite remedy to the cold shower when unavailable: Let's get limp.
Oh god. Brrrrrrrr. What was I talking about again? Oh yeah...Reagan.

Reagan dies and I win $200 dollars from my death-pool because he was the first one on my list to die this year. And he's been on that list for quite sometime. You're next, Pope John Paul.
But seriously, I was chillin' at the crib yesterday thinkin' about the ladies when all of the sudden I heard a huge "WOO-HOO" simultaneously from the vincinity of Creve Coeur, MO and from most of South America. It was then I knew that the Gipper had turned out the lights. I agree with Byron Crawford that Reagan's death is a cause for celebration. I just wish it wasn't Sunday now because I can't get any booze to celebrate until Monday. Fuck Indiana! Get drunk and go to church. I know I won't.

Okay, I'm hungry. Gonna eat now. Until next post.

*BAMF!*

Friday, June 04, 2004

Here's the Post that Gets me Fired
Why? 2 posts in one day! Shocking!


Okay, I got a new co-worker who turns out to be real cool. Another male in my estrogen-filled work-place to bullshit with. We got this vending machine that is kinda like the official slot-machine to those of us in the know. Sometimes if you select a "Coca Cola Classic" then you can sometimes get 2 for $.65. Today this one cat even got three which is like gettin 777 or BARBARBAR in Vegas or some Riverboat casino. I can tell you that today was not my day to gamble as I got one coke for my coinage. But two other dudes scored at least a 6 pack today trying their luck, so there is hope yet.

Anyhoo, my co-worker stops by with an extra coke like 'you want this?" So I'm like "jeeeeeaaaahhhhh boyeeeee" like Flava Flav and proceed to dance around my office/cubicle flailing my limbs spastically. And I'm drinking my modern cocaine, rubbing it inside my eye-lids and thanking him for his generosity when he's like:
"Well, at first I tried to give it to the ladies ( a small nest of offices down the hall) but they didn't want it. In fact one of them was like "No way, that stuff is poison" (to which my co-worker noted that she was clutchin a cup of Starbucks as she said so)...then someone suggested me as I am a well-known coca-nut addict. I accepted the coke graciously as we cola-nut fiends are known to do.

But this "that's poison" comment got my caffeine-soaked noggin thinkin'about that sort of mind-frame. Now, considering, from what I know, that the speaker of this comment is a vegan, I understand the sentiment, and actually, I would say that a few years ago I may have been swayed to agree and munch happily on my twigs or whatever the fuck vegans do (I flirted with such socially-aware behavior in college much to the chagrin of my roommates)and think about how awesome I was for not letting the man poison me with chemiKILLs.

But here's the thing:
If you are alive today you need to abandon all hope of living a Healthy Lifestyle.


Listen motherfuckahs, the generations before have sold our ass down the river for a quick buck through capitalism. Shit, I don't have to have scientific arguments to convince people that this world is fucked. We got mercury in the fish, nasty chemicals in the air we breathe...shit, my sperm glows in the dark. What more evidence do you need?

But seriously, I have flirted with this concept of ubermensch thought through organic eating and no animals,but I came to the conclusion (because I have a huge chemically-altered brain...the only advantage of living on this toxic planet)that that sort of behavior is an exercise in futility. I wonder how many vegan, straight-edge kids ever got hit by a bus? A bunch I bet. Know why? It doesn't fucking matter what you eat or don't eat or don't smoke or whatever, your ass is still gonna die. Plus, I can't understand why, if you look around and see all this nastiness in your food that you would think "well this world is fucked, but if I make a few decisions in my lifestyle I can live a longer life than the rest of these ignorant sheep gorging themselves on steroid-enhanced meat, so that I can be one of the few who actually gets to greet nuclear winter." Well congratulations ya'll. If us humans are ruining the planet why the fuck would you want to live after all these other mutherfuckers? You gonna clean up the planet and turn it into an organic garden?

Shit. I'm down with being healthy, but to a certain extent you must understand that your health is not fully in your control. So if yer a vegan keep it up, but don't be makin' no snobby comments to people like me who like to get a buzz from the cola-nut.
Shout out to the IBO (Chinua Achebe fans know what's up)!!!!I got yer nuts right here!
I'm gonna go stalk and kill a cow or something now and drink it's warm blood as I eat a handful of pesticide-enhanced grass/cud from it's 2nd stomach. Fuck Lo-Carbs and everything else. RRRRRRAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!
Also, in other news, I've been struggling with the nicotine habit. I'm losing frankly.
I feel like Bill Hicks or something because as he once said:
"Now every cigarette I see looks like it was created by God, rolled by Jesus, and moistened by the pussy of Claudia Schiffer." I agree. Wish me luck.
End of Rant.
*BAMF*

The End-Of-The-Week-Wrap-Up
...or, not much to say this time...


Let's start things off right with a transcript of Kissinger telling an aide that the President is too loaded to talk to the British Prime Minister (from the smokinggun.com).

The First to Take the Fall...
Good bye George! May our next Bush-appointed CIA director be less willing to suckle the balls of the executive branch. But remember kids, he's just another fall guy before this entire corrupt administration crumbles just before November, at which point we will experience a terrorist attack and then-
cancelled elections! Then, the NWO! Or at least, that's what some callers on Coast-to-Coast were saying one night this week as I was passing out. If you trust your local paranoid-conspiracy nut like I do, when you'll be at our meeting near the docks around midnight.


But really, things are gettin' pretty much outta control for Bush and company (or as I have seen elsewhere ThugCo.)as this reveals. Bush is consulting a Lawyer over the Plame case and (I'm sure)he's a little worried about this. Elsewhere, the Pentagon is cleaning house as well, trying to figure out who to hang for these torture pictures getting leaked

Bush as a War Criminal? It's like the world is starting to make sense again!

Joe, this is for you cuz I know and share your dream of being able to give some one the crook-eye with my tongue.

10 bucks says they find intelligent life and come back to enslave us.

In personal news, I am back in the land of insured automobile drivers so that means that I can quit trickin' for rides into the big city with lonely truckers. Plus, that means that I will be diggin for records in the early morning hours of Saturday. Got a yard sale to peep and also the trusty record spot. Although this kid is making me suspicious and eager to take out the competition (scroll down to #7)because he just named names and I've got a phone-book and a newly insured truck capable of hauling stolen records anywhere in the city. Watch out Yoder!
(Ed note: I won't really be stealing records. It takes too much effort and I prefer to shoplift contact-solution like most hardened criminals.)

Are you a part of the Nielson Family?

If not, then you'd never get cool stuff like coloring books! (spotted at www.boingboing.net...which is pretty interesting really).


The Patriot Act continues to be a horrible idea...peep this:
FBI ABDUCTS ARTIST, SEIZES ART

Feds Unable to Distinguish Art from Bioterrorism
Grieving Artist Denied Access to Deceased Wife's Body

Steve Kurtz was already suffering from one tragedy when he called 911 early in the morning to tell them his wife had suffered a cardiac arrest and died in her sleep. The police arrived and, cranked up on the rhetoric of the "War on Terror," decided Kurtz's art supplies were actually bioterrorism weapons.

Thus began an Orwellian stream of events in which FBI agents abducted Kurtz without charges, sealed off his entire block, and confiscated his computers, manuscripts, art supplies... and even his wife's body.

More to be found here (spotted at theMemoryHole.)

OK, I'd like to leave on a positive note so uh...
NEW MASH-OUT-POSSE COMING SOON! ANTE UP BITCHES! GUNFIAHHHHHHHHH! RRRRAAHHHHH!
out.
*bamf*

Wednesday, June 02, 2004

GET YOUR NEWS FROM ME



Pat Tillman was killed by friendly fire.
You could go to a number of places for the info but it's best viewed at Ted Rall's blog because some people with too much time on their hands thought that Rall's cartoon was treasonous behavior and started a campaign to inform John Ashcroft. More suckers for patriotism!

You can't Trust Everything You Read...
Except here. Most of the time.

Okay, I've read alot about the likes of Jay-Z and the Neptunes and uhhm, I guess Musicians, that get alot of love from the radio and tv and sell a buncha records and stuff and when I read about these artists I always have a sneaking suspicion that maybe, just maybe, there is a glimmer of hope, some un-noticed element of their music that might prove that I'm not a music snob-or at least just not so much of an underground-head to appreciate some mainstream shit. So I read all these articles about these new bands or these "hitmakers" that everybody talks about.

"Did you get that new Jay-Z Black Album? He's the G.O.A.T."

"That new Kenna that was produced by Chad Hugo from the Neptunes is like some Depeche Mode hip-hop (me: what the fuck?!???)."

and so on and so on...

Don't believe the hype.
I tried Jay-Z again tonight. I tried Reasonable Doubt, the album all heads I know reccommend but man, I just don't like ol' J-Hova. I've tried. I have been a fair man and I have listened to his music and I'm just like ehhhhhh....

sorry there hiphop. my bad.

And then there's THIS:

Ain't feelin the Neptunes in any way shape or form these days. I tried this Kenna stuff cuz all these white kids are blowin it up with outlandish quotes like the one earlier. Shit sucks ya'll. Keyboard beats had their day in the sun. I didn't like it then and I don't like it now. Boring. N.E.R.D.?

Boring.

Caught 'em on SNL this week and had a nice laugh. How could you possibly dance to the single they played? You know, the "her ass is like a space ship..." song? That third dude they have that's their Flava-Flave-hype-man was just like: "uhhhhhh"


not hype. not interesting. and the 2nd song? Echhhhhhh.
Neptunes and Jay-Z can keep doin their thing but I ain't gonna be payin' attention. I've tried.

Got a buncha other Cd's from the library though, along with a great Soviet-revolution Russian poster-book that'll be great for art...

This dude has great links, but sometimes the American Idol talk and other bullshit get on my nerves so I decide to write posts about it just like he does with the "no homo" phrase others in blogdom use.

Who cares? If it bugs you skim over it or stop reading it. It's what I do when anyone brings up conversations about tv or whatever. Just let it roll. Ahhhhhh, breathe easy.

Saw my man Joe in the Nap this weekend but no show from the Notorious G.A.V.

He get's the gas-face.

My brother said he found the Peruvian spot for vinyl. Cheap and plentiful. He's an international digger now, slavin' for the man. And if the man is me, which I am and I be, then this time I'm rooting for the man.

Well, html code is no fun and I don't think I'll be bloggin much with the Mac so that means that I'll have to use the roommates computer until I move. Speaking of moving, I got to toss around some old bikes at the place I'm gonna be livin next year.

Last tenants left old bike frames all over the back yard so I helped clean them up and did my part to contribute to the Bike Mountain. It was beautiful. And I found a trampoline so I'm gonna stay in shape son. Betta rec'nize.

That's it. I'm smokin' resin and passin' out.
*BAMF*

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