Wednesday, September 29, 2004

GODDAMN YOU DAD


No wonder I never got laid in High-School. Curse my shrill and unappealing voice. Scarred by years of lacking testosterone my voice was unable to cope with the deluge of chemicals coursing through my veins and as a result, eventually formed my squack-of-a-voice that I posess these days. I thought all that dope smokin' and Camel Lights would give me a voice like Tom Waits but here I am sans gravelly-voice. Maybe when I get throat cancer and I get that throat-box thing I'll be able to get those ladies. "mmm-hello laaadies-squack"
Remember that Sampling Ruling I bitched about a while back? Seems that these people have taken the issue to heart. Good for them. I'd try my hand if I had that record to sample.
Danziger gets the heart of the election in a single-panel.
Bush is not doing as well as those polls are telling you. For example, that dude can't even get his hometown to endorse him. Not that this will make any big difference, but really, those polls you keep seeing? They are nothing. Worthless. Vote Nov. 2nd no matter what. Barring any sneaky conspiracy-type shit, Bush is out. Mark my words.
Remember a few months ago when everytime you'd go into a club or something everyone was all like "FLip! Flip! Flip!" to that "Game Over" song? I consider this payment for all those times I had to endure that bullshit. Usually I hate sampling-laws, but I say GO GO PACMAN!
So you've seen "Farenheit 911" and "OutFoxed" but have you seen what Greg Palast went and made? Check the review and then go buy it...I'm sure it's worth it.
In other FUCK YOU BUSH news... also here.
That's it. Work is out. So am I. Back later.
*BAMF!*

Monday, September 27, 2004

Drinking Binges are fun...


That's right, I just sobered up from a two-day drinking binge. The source of my saused-ness was a keg of that High-Life. Now I love that beer but damn does it make me stink the next day. Whoof! I bet before I had my shower I smelled like this kid. But I'm back, zestfully clean and ready to link it up. Here we go:
I know you don't have anything better to do, so read the dirty details of Kobe introducing a white girl to the NBA dick. (Link: thesmokinggun).
Oh and that annoying kid from T2 got busted in Kentucky for public intoxication with a lobster.
That's what I always do at my local Meijer but they know me there so it's all good.
This is kinda neat. I want a Biz Markie stamp.
Want to make $6000? If I could, I would. Anybody know any friendly reporters?
Ever wonder what's up with Mt. Saint Helens? Wonder no more. (link: blah3)
Ted Rall pisses people off. Not me though.
Krugman preps you for Thursday's debate. I'll probably watch just to see Bush stammer through half-assed answers. I'll also be very very baked.
Want the Alchemist's album for free? Send Bol some letters and see if it works.
And finally...
Did you ever see that movie "Scratch" where Mix Master Mike and Q-Bert are talkin' about how they think their scratching is communicating with alien life-forms? Maybe they aren't fucking looney like I thought. Does this mean if I start scratching that the aliens will come down and drop the mothership? God I hope so. I can't wait to see how the aliens get fucked-up. I bet they drink High-Life too. Later ya'll.
oh yeah, Joe...when you comin' to Indy?
*BAMF!*

Friday, September 24, 2004

Go See RJD2


Went to an Rjd2/Diplo show last night and it was great. Diplo was all about putting shit like Lil' Jon over Weezer's "Sweater Song" and other rock stuff which was really very bland. I mean, once you get over the initial 10 seconds of going "is this Weezer over crunk music?" then it's like "okay dude, please stop". Boring. Boring. Boring. There was a screen behind him showing clips of video's like Juvenile's "Ha" and old nintendo games being played. That was more interesting than Diplo. After I dunno, what seemed like an hour RJD2 took to the stage.
He rocks four turtables and two mixers and an MPC and spins records while running back and forth between the tables and his crates, diggin out records and playin' the MPC live. It's quite neat to watch. Plus, he plays a game where the audience can win shit like a loaf of wheat bread or a pumpkin for identifying sound-snippets like "The A-Team" so you can't go wrong. Check your local listings and go see RJD2 if you like that sort of shit. I'm out. Time to smoke.
Back manana with more to say...

Tuesday, September 21, 2004

Half-an-Hour Until I Drink...

I'm trying to wait until 8PM before I start pounding back the 24 oz. High-Life, so I figure an update will kill thirty minutes of sobriety until I can put that sweet alcohol to work on confusing my motor-functions. I might even finish off that bud but I will be drinking alone, so I may need my wits about me. Ah, who am I kidding? When I'm drunk I'm impervious to pain and cruel practical-jokes so I guess it doesn't matter. I know Matt Taibbi agrees.

Picked up the new Masta Ace album "A Long Hot Summer" and was not dissappointed. I even kinda like the skits too, unlike his previous "Disposable Arts" effort. I think that the album as a whole is better than "D.A." mainly because of the beats by a bunch of producers I've never heard of. Good job Ace. It's good to get a new hip-hop/rap album that isn't just half-decent, but really good throughout the whole play. Of course, the rhymes are dope, but the production also compliments the sentiment expressed on each track. I hope that De La Soul album is as good (that album got pushed back to Oct. 5th btw). If so, I'll be a happy individual. One can hope. Buy that Ace album if you see it-it's worth the price. I almost bought that "Foreign Exchange" CD but held back cuz I heard it was kinda R&B-ish and these days, that might mean real good or real rhythm and bullshit. I'll keep my ears open...
Yo, check out the track-listing for the new Handsome Boy Modeling School album.
Thank God for those two, cuz I've been wondering for a minute what Chino Moreno from the Deftones would sound like over a Prince Paul beat. This November I shall know for sure. Make sure you read the article too, as the quotes are hilarious.

Oh, and get thee to the maakies website (found on the right-side near the top) for this week's comic if you've ever wondered what a lion, a crow and a monkey would look like humping a snake . I know I have.

What's the deal with this National Guard stuff and Bush? Greg Palast fills you in.
They should have talked to me before approving this event. I can tell you that Sha Na Na sucks because I've picked up their records thinkin' there might be something to sample. Oh what a fool I was. But hey, I didn't book Sha Na Na thinking people would actually show up. Suckers.
Read the third paragraph of that story and then stop. The rest is unnecessary.
Well, looks like it's time to drink. And I think I just remembered that my roomate had to give a presentation to a Mothers-Against-Drunk-Driving panel today cuz he got popped last May. i bet he'll be ready to drink too. Time to do some high-risk-drinking. I bet I can consume four 24 oz. cans. Wish me luck ya'll.
*BURP!*

Saturday, September 18, 2004

Look Ma, I'm too-cool-for-Skool

Once again, I proved my coolness to myself by knowing about this shit waaaay before Rolling Stone magazine does. Now if only I could use that coolness and my veritable finger-on-the-pulse-of-the-nation status to get some poo-nanni I'd be set. But alas, knowing about shit on the internet is NOT how to get the ladies. Trust me on that one.
And wtf is an overbearing critical swagger? Fuck music-writers. They are the only writer's that I know of that actually get paid regularly to just make shit up. Yes, noz from cocaine blunts is opinionated, but IT"S HIS FUCKING SITE. I tend to agree with his estimations and ruminations so I guess I've never really thought of his opinions as an overbearing critical swagger but more as right on. Perhaps this music-writer peeped the site and was like "Whoa, I like Talib Queli, he's on my Ipod right between the White Stripes and the lastest from the Get-Up Kids...he's a conscious rapper dammit. How could anyone hate?" type-type-type..."overbearing critical swagger." But hey, at least RS is showing some love to O-dub and Noz, the only two I care about (well, actually moistworks had a de la soul week which was excellent). So props to you gentlemen. Now link to my site dammit.
So what else is new? A few famous people have gone nuts lately...let's review:
First off, Jimmy Swaggart thinks he can pull one over on God (link via atrios):
"...I'm gonna be blunt and plain; if one [a homosexual male] ever looks at me like that, I'm gonna kill him and tell God he died." Oh word Jimmy. I bet a supreme and omniscient being would fall for that. I bet he'll even give you a high-five and the latest Amy Grant CD too. Jimmy Swaggart needs to get 12" of black dick up his homosexual-fearing ass just because.
Next up is Oprah. That crazy bitch gave away like 200+ cars. My favorite part of the article is when Oprah starts jumping up and down screaming "Everybody gets a car! Everybody gets a car! How wild is that?" Pretty wild Oprah, we certainly DO need more housewives on the road, cell-phone in hand, talking about the latest sob-story on the O.W. show. I swear if I see one of those cars, I'm keying it. Blau!
And we all know that these polls are complete bullshit right? All my friends see this shit and are like "man, W's gonna win again, so why bother voting?" That's how they want you to react fools! If you don't show up at the polls dumb patriotic Americans who actually think W is a good guy will. Please please please vote. I don't like Kerry either but fuck, Bush is insane and so is his team. Gettim' out! Of course, if you don't want Kerry to take away your bible and make you marry a man then feel free to vote for Nixon II.
And everyone I know doesn't seem to care about this. Yet it seems to me, to be an accurate gauge of this man's love for America. I mean, this is the same guy who, while at Yale (and only there because of his father's connections) vigilantly supported the Vietnam War while braggin about how he got in the National Guard to avoid combat. That is the definition of a hypocrite. Go over to Salon and get the day-pass, then scroll down to the interview with a former professor of Bush's while at Yale. Interesting stuff.
And this is the only time I will say this:
I kinda wish I had cable to see that show "The Surreal Life" where Flavor Flav gets all freaky with Brigitte Neilsen. Yeah, Flav, hit that and get some of those millions she got for marrying Stallone for a few months. Sheeeit. That is surreal. I really hope that someone asks Dave Coulier about Alanis Morrisette going down on him in a theater when she was I dunno, eight or whatever. Ha Ha! He'll be like "cut-it-out" and everyone will be like "huh?"
Oh and off topic, but isn't Puffy's "Vote or Die" campaign the silliest shit you've ever seen? I mean, I'm all for voting, but the only black dude rockin' a mohawk that could ever tell me to vote would be Mr. T and that's cuz of all that GOLD. Awwww jeah.
I'm off to try out something I have never seen before: 24oz. cans of Miller High Life. Oh lord, life is good. I'll be back when I sober up. So, see ya Monday.
*BAMF!*



Thursday, September 16, 2004

Two-Taibbi-Thursday

Taibbi's follow up to his last column is interesting.
So is his review of Kitty Kelly's new book.
In a way, I do have to admit that I tend to agree with him on the idea of having a begrudging respect for the Bush fam's cold-as-ice history of ruthlessness. It's the same respect I have for my own country because I certainly do fear a government that bombs some country into the stone-age every few years just for a display of power. Sure, I'd like to see some sort of shift in power but do I think that tearing down the system will solve everything? Hell no. As El-P once said "We will fucking kill you" (you see, he was America). I mean we could have some Che Guevara-type in our midst but once that person pokes his head out of the proverbial water he is gettin' shot and the water is getting firebombed. I would imagine that there will be no revolutions in my lifetime. We've got it too good to revolt. I'm sure we could all agree that we pay too much for cable, but we can't start anything off that. So what else? The war? The economy? Who cares? It all gets broken down into idealogical differences that we bicker over instead of compromising. Like abortion right? Who cares if little embryos die? We can't hear them scream. If you don't think abortion is right, then don't get one. Who cares if other people do? Oh shit. I just devestated the abortion argument with one sentence. Jesus, you people need me as the philosopher king Plato always had a hard-on for. I'm a smart mu'fuckah.
And what's more, this brilliant mind needs some rest.
I'll be back in a number of hours to continue my reign.
Continue your drudgery peasants, for I shall sleep on my Nasa-designed gel-bed which is supported by the Elephant Man's bones. Toil on.
*snore*

Saturday, September 11, 2004

Mobb Deep make me laugh

So I was diggin' through the record stacks last night lookin' for something to put over these drums I found and for some reason I grabbed some 80's compilation record and put it on "She Blinded Me With Science" without thinking. So I'm kinda chuckling to myself when all the sudden the synthesizer kicks in and I'm like "oh shit, Mobb Deep (I guess really the alchemist) sampled "She Blinded me With Science" on that single "Got it Twisted". Ha Haaa Haaaaa. I'm sure all you cool mu'fuckahs realized that the first time you heard it but I didn't listen to bullshit 80's music so I was sleepin' until yesterday. They should have put that dude that sang that song on the track to do some science raps or something though, or at least have him in the video mean muggin' the camera with a labcoat on and some crazy hair. And maybe he could have cured Prodigy's sickle cell...that'd be dope. Now all The Alchemist needs to do is flip some Rick Astley over a hard beat and sell it to like Cam'Ron or some shit. Guaranteed dollaz.

Oh shit! Raindrops keep fallin' on my muthafuckin' head! Bacharach over some Dre drums? Hell yes. I'm interested.
Holy shit, me and 50 cent have something in common! I always tape myself gettin' freaky with some groupie with low-self-esteem but I NEVER take off the bullet-proof vest. Don't try and change me dammit.

De La Soul Shoes? Yep. Still don't beat the ones I did at SneakerPimps. I'd rather have a pair of shoes with the inside artwork of Buhloon Mind State on the side. That'd be fresh(spotted at catchdubs).
Cocaine Blunts is back! He's featuring some Saul Williams and some real rascist raps from Indianapolis(?) Go listen to them loudly on your computer at work. Impress your boss by turning up the volume whenever someone curses or sez nigga or cracka or whatever. They'll love it!
Uhhh, go get some fresh air and get off the computer. That's what I'm gonna do. Out.
*BAMF!*


Thursday, September 09, 2004

I'll get this update poppin' with a link to the latest Taibbi column where he basically says everything I've been thinking since the protests before the war. Obviously protests as we know them now do not work because the powers-that-be have had about 50 years to figure out the best way to contain the rabble of protesters. It's time to think of means other than staging protests to affirm our faith in democracy. Democracy is broke mu'fuckahs. Time to re-read Steal This Book, particularly the chapter called "Monkey Warfare" where Abbie Hoffman suggests doing tactics that don't harm but disrupt and inconvenience those targeted. For example, rendering all the locks on Wall St. useless by using some sort of quick-drying epoxy concealed in a syringe won't bring down the system but it will stop the pace, if only for a brief moment. There's better examples but I can't think of them right now. Go review your Hoffman. Taibbi also suggests we get reaquainted with the concepts of strikes. This is true. See, the thing about those protests is that they don't do much but clog the streets and provide 10-second video clips for the major news to dismiss. To really begin change one must get drastic. Our role in capitalism is that of a mere cog, but think of the possiblities if all of the cogs suddenly stop. If we don't start to realize this then the next step in "protests" will be having the government say "you protestors can protest in this muddy field in Kansas if you want your voice to be heard" and then have people actually show up to protest in some area where no one will hear the voices, or care. The "power" of protesting is a thing of the past Drastic times call for drastic measures. I'm just trying to figure out what I can do...
But wait, I thought they had released all the documents that they had...
I'm glad the AP filed a FOIA to get some more insight into the story. I was afraid that this issue would be lost after it seemed to die down a few months ago. I just can't believe that the Kerry campaign hasn't been hammering away at Bush with this sort of shit. I mean, this whole SwiftBoat Veterans for truth is bullshit, but how hard is it to say "Uh, yeah you Republicans are making a big issue about how I behaved when I was in Vietnam, but hey at least I went and then relaized it was a HORRIBLE MISTAKE, unlike you spineless weasels who avoided it through your priveledged connections and still think it was an idealogically-sound war." C'mon Kerry you pussy. Grow a spine!!! (On a side note: I think Kerry sucks but he's not Bush. I will hold my nose as I vote for K this November)
But wait, there's more!
And Is Disobeying a DIRECT order a crime? (spotted at atrios, link on the right side)
This is getting interesting...
"The Taliban are women! They're bitches! If they were real men, they'd stop hiding under their burkas and they'd come out and fight!": Interesting article from Afghanistan, that other disaster we don't really talk about. A good read nonetheless.
My boy Chavez of Venezuela is still at it despite the U.S.'s best efforts to oust him. My favorite South American leader, besides Castro. And yeah yeah yeah, say all you want about Castro, he does have his faults (homophobic, anti-Jehovah's witnesses (is that really so bad?kidding.) questionable political decrees, etc.) you gotta admit that he saved Cuba from becoming the Carribean Las Vegas. Plus, he has the tenacity of a cockroach, so he'll be here even after the nukes scortch the earth talkin' about "CUBA LIBRE!" You know it's true. RRRAHHH!
Ok, enough talk about things I can't do anything about...uh, actually, how about I just change the topic from politics to music:
A Federal Appeals Court Ruling Proves That They Have No-Fucking-Clue.
This argument is ridiculous. Bridgeport Music and Westbound records are whore-mongering vultures who purchase the copyright to old Parliament songs and then sue mu'fuckahs who sample said songs, even if George Clinton approves of sampling. See, something is wrong with the music world when people can buy the rights to music they did not create and then make a profit off of it. YOU PIGFUCKERS!!!!!!!! Check out what Ol' George said back in '92:
"Well, first of all, I suspect that the industry again is trying to do to rap what they tried to do to funk, and that's kill it because it's got to much information, and spreading of information,” Clinton told the Houston Press in 1992. “So what we've done to keep them from all this stupidity, like trying to sue, or saying that I'm suing people, is to put out a record called "Sample Some of Disc and Sample Some of Dat" - just samples from alot of the old songs, because I have some of the demos of those songs, which is not what the record company owns, so I can license those to be sampled. We have a pay schedule that's really easy to deal with - if they sell records, they pay, if they don't they can try again. We got to make sure that rap survives, because it's our only means of communication that gets past the gatekeepers.”
True indeed. So now it seems that all sounds on records are worthy of copyright. How the fuck does this make any sense at all? Capitalism is going to ruin music. Call me MC Marx ya'll. Where would music be today if Mozart copyrighted all the chords he used and then organists/pianists etc. had to pay royalties when they used these chords? We would not have the music we have today if it wasn't for the influence of one generation on another. Sampling is genius, because it is such an innovative idea. It's really not that different from cutting your teeth on Led Zepplin riffs and then writing some song that has the same rockin' feel with arpeggiated chords. I mean, if Creed can exist without Pearl Jam suing them, then what's so wrong with sampling? Human expression is built upon the backs of others thoughts and ideas and this is necessary to move forward. When some kid loops up a snippet of some obscure record no one has listened to in years is that theft or a new realization? I often listen to songs and think "man, it'd sound better if he/she would just go "dahn-duh-duh instead of dahn-duh-dahn." That's what hip-hop production is, making something new with fragments of the past. It's an evolution of music and unfortunatley the old guard has courts to back them up. The Next Step: Free Hip-Hop-sample-based-music. If you don't make a profit then why sue? Let those fuckers have all the royalties of a 0% profit. But then bootleg it and sell it on the street. The black market rules!!!!
Here's some more thoughts on it (spotted at www.boingboing.net)
And what the fuck is up with the picture they put to accompany this story?
Finally, go make a paper air-plane that flaps with no motors or rubber bands. Make office-life interesting for a few minutes. Speaking of which, back to work.
Outro.
*BAMF!*


Monday, September 06, 2004

An Exercise in Futility...

Now I'm not one to regularly claim my alma matter, as I came to realize it was more of an entity designed to take all the money it possible could from me, rather than give me a good education (but hey, I guess you get what you pay for, ie. very little). But, today I was reading the Indianapolis Star and came across this little gem.
This is hilarious because it shows how inept the efforts at curbing college drinking are. I mean, Muncie, Indiana sucks. The only things that make life bearable in that little city are intoxication and casual sex, and the two go hand-in-hand. And if you can't score then you opt for some debauchery. Like say, getting real drunk and then banging on somebody's door until the cops come and shoot you for no good reason. Now that's some fun. But now you can hardly drunkenly walk on top of someones car and slip on the windshield causing it to emit a loud 'crack' just before you wobble off the hood and back to the astonished looks of your former-roommates. It's a damn shame I tells ya. What is this world coming to?

I certainly don't know, but it seems as though the coke-head in chief will be overseeing the progress of the NWO this November as the American public just can't seem to get it's collective head out of it's ass. I mean, even my mom, who I thought was coming back around as of late has told me that she's voting for the W AGAIN. So, after much debate, I have decided to shatter her kneecaps in order to keep her from leaving the house on Nov. 2nd. I do this out of love mind you...tough love, but she will understand. Then I can apologize to her as my state goes red once again and I realize that my efforts are futile and that democracy is a sham. But it sounds good now, so why fight it?

So how was the RNC? I'd ask the protestors, or maybe that stripper that had a blog (linked to in an earlier post). Or your alchoholic uncle who hates Mexicans. Either way, I could give a shit.

Hey, wanna read something scary? Go here. Yep, my state has 'em too. Yikes.
On a different note, I finally got a copy of that new Roots album "The Tipping Point" and I must say that I am pleasantly suprised. Is it cuz I'm white? Probably. I didn't really know what to expect as I thought "Phrenology" was kind of "ehh" but I sat down with the album and listened to it all the way through and didn't hit the 'fast-forward' button once. The highlight of the album would have to be the track directly after the final song...the one with dave Chappelle screamin' and yellin' in the background. The song has an ODB-chaotic vibe to it and I've been enjoying jumping around and screaming along . And for some reason Dice-Raw comes through lovely, in fact, probably the best he's ever been. I would purchase it if I didn't already burn it. Take that ?uestlove! I ain't feedin' yo' kids. Hell, I ain't feedin' my own either...it's the principle. They can get a job like their absent-father. I don't care if you are 5 years-old goddamit, it's time for you to get that paper! Now pack daddy's bowl before you go to your paper-route job and don't put any seeds in there like last time or I'll make you sleep in the dog-house outside. Ah the joys of fatherhood. I could knock up girls with low-self-esteem all day if i didn't ahve to work so much.
Whoa, where'd that come from? I think I just channeled the thoughts of some dude down the block who lives with his mom and his wife in some tiny apartment. Damn this telepathy. I'm out.
*BAMF!*



Saturday, September 04, 2004

We Go Through Changes...

I finally decided to poke around a bit with the html code and see if I could make this blog a little more homey. Links for your pleasure are on the right. I will post more as I learn this shite. I'm gettin there, so for now it's baby steps. To the news:
Looks like Kitty Kelly is about to drop a book called "The Family: The real Story of The Bush Dynasty" ( I won't link it but you can do it yourself). I'm kinda interested in that gossipy sort of way. I won't buy the damn thing, but someone did leave a copy of KK's Nancy Reagan tell-all book in my break-room at work and I always enjoyed flipping through it as I ate my lunch. From what I could tell it looks like KK just tries to find all the embarassing details that people try to hide. I don't know and don't care how this will affect the election but I'm sure there's some pretty interesting reading in there. I'll check it out at the library some day no doubt.
Been a while since I linked to Krugman. Let's fix that.
Shit is crazy in Russia as usual.
Uhmmm, I'm kinda burned out right now, so I'll leave with this.
Update soon. Must study Spanish and sleep. And drink beer. out!
*BAMF!*



Wednesday, September 01, 2004

An Appeal to a Higher Power:


Lord, if yer up there, today would be the perfect opportunity to sink New York into the Atlantic.


That's right everybody, the Republican National Convention is going on strong in New York and yet the Supreme Deity has not wiped Madison Square Garden off of the face of this earth. No wonder I alternate between believing in a God and worshipping a sock-puppet that I have made of my own accord (you see, if I'm going to be worshipping something, at least I know that I made the shit up...the sentiment is the same, but with no illusions). But, one good thing about the RNC is that the village voice has given a stripper a blog to comment on the events. Enjoy.
I didn't get to see it because I blinded myself on purpose, but apparently those Bush twins are quite the comedians. Here's an excerpt from their "speech" introducing W:
JENNA BUSH: It's great to be here. We love Arnold. Isn't he awesome? Thanks to him, if one of us ever decides to marry a Democrat, nobody can complain, except maybe our grandmother, Barbara. And if she doesn't like it, we would definitely hear about it. We already know she doesn't like some of our clothes, our music, or most of the TV shows we watch. Gammie, we love you dearly, but you're just not very hip. She thinks "Sex and the City" is something married people do, but never talk about. We spent the last four years trying to stay out of the spotlight. Sometimes, we did a little better job than others. We kept trying to explain to my dad that when we are young and irresponsible, well, we're young and irresponsible.
BARBARA BUSH: Jenna and I are really not very political, but we love our dad too much to stand back and watch from the sidelines. We realized that this would be his last campaign, and we wanted to be a part of it. Besides, since we've graduated from college, we're looking around for something to do for the next few years. Kind of like dad.
JENNA: Our parents have always encouraged us to be independent and dream big. We've spent a lot of time at the White House, so when we showed up the first day, we thought we had it all figured out. But apparently my dad already has a chief of staff, named Andy.
BARBARA: When your dad's a Republican and you go to Yale, you learn to stand up for yourself. I knew I wasn't quite ready to be president, but number two sounded pretty good. Who is this man they call Dick Cheney?
JENNA: I think I know a lot about campaigns. After all, my grandfather and my dad have both run for president, so I put myself in charge of strategy. Then I got an angry call from some guy named Karl.
BARBARA: We knew we had something to offer. I mean, we've traveled the world; we've studied abroad. But when we started coming home with foreign policy advise, dad made us call Condi.
JENNA: Not to be deterred, we thought surely there's a place for strong willed, opinionated women in communications. And next thing we know, Karen's back.
BARBARA: So we decided the best thing we could do here tonight would be to introduce somebody we know and love.
JENNA: You know all those times when you're growing up and your parents embarrass you? Well, this is payback time on live TV.
BARBARA: Take this. I know it's hard to believe, but our parents' favorite term of endearment for each other is actually Bushy. And we had a hamster, too. Let's just say ours didn't make it. JENNA: But, contrary to what you might read in the papers, our parents are actually kind of cool. They do know the difference between mono and Bono. When we tell them we're going to see Outkast, they know it's a band and not a bunch of misfits. And if we really beg them, they'll even shake it like a Polaroid picture.
(Found at blah3 who found it a DailyKos) (italics mine)
Excuse me while I jam a Q-Tip against and hopefully through my ear-drum. Sweet-death, send me your loving embrace. Ok, now I know these brain-dead booze hound ho's didn't write their own speech, but did they at least READ that tripe before saying it? Jesus. I mean, that's some shitty comedy. Would the average RNC attendee know what the hell they were talking about? Did the twins? OUTKAST is not a FUCKING BAND! And the mental image of the two Bush's shaking like a Polaroid picture? Christ! The only time I want to see George W. Bush shaking is when he eats another pretzel and can't breathe. I want to vomit blood. HWARRRCH!

From truthout.org:
t r u t h o u t Republican Convention Coverage By William Rivers Pitt
Wednesday 01 September 2004 1:10PM
OK, now I get it. Cheney just came roaring by in a massive caravan that dove inside Pier 60. A bunch of regular New Yorkers standing on the street here gave him the finger as he went
by. I love it (italics mine).

My pops told me about this story last night. Read on and disbelieve.
I need some new eyeballs after tearing mine out. Where to find some new eyes? (via boingboing)
Spotted via Cursor is this:
OVER-REGISTERING AND OTHER MEASURES OF "WINNING."
This bit from the president's interview with Rush Limbaugh is such a cavalcade of nonsense that I sincerely hope transcription errors are to blame:
I think so. On the other hand, we're making great progress. Today at the Legion I said, "We're winning the war on terror, and we will win the war on terror." There's no doubt in my mind, so long as this country stays resolved and strong and determined, and by winning, I just would remind your listeners that Pakistan is now an ally in the war on terror. Saudi now takes Al-Qaeda seriously, and they're after the leadership. Libya is no longer got weapons of mass destruction. Afghanistan, I don't know if you've discussed this on your program, but there are over ten million people who have registered to vote in Afghanistan, which is a phenomenal statistic when you think about it. And then of course Iraq is now heading toward elections as well, and we're making progress.Here's the thing. While it's quite true that over 10 million Afghans have registered to vote (10.35 million, to be exact), there are only 9.8 million eligible voters in the country. What we're seeing isn't an unprecedented outpouring of democratic enthusiasm, it's massive fraud. Registration cards are selling for as much as $100 a pop. The government, meanwhile, has no effective authority over anything. And how come Saudi Arabia is after the al-Qaeda leadership? Shouldn't that be Pakistan's job, since al-Qaeda's leadership is, you know, in Pakistan and stuff? And Libya never had weapons of mass destruction, it had weapons programs. (I know, I know, "what's the difference?") And this was, to repeat, an interview with Rush Limbaugh -- what would happen if the president faced some actually tough questioning?
--Matthew Yglesias
Sounds pretty familiar to the way I understand "democracy" working in these times...
But don't worry, we will save you from those terrorists! (again, via Cursor)
And now for something completely different:
Ok, I was stuck with a 9 year old in a car last Sunday for a work-related activity and I was fortunate enough to hear Disney Radio (which apparently this kid loves...oh the horror the horror) and the latest from like Ashlee Simpson or whatever. Anyway, as I'm looking out the window thinking about how I would enjoy dismembering either Simpson with a rusty spoon, I suddenly realize that the song has changed and I am listening to the latest Black Eyed Peas song called "Let's Get it Started" which was originally released as "Let's Get Retarded" ( I don't know how I know this but it's true). Now if you have NOT heard this song, pat yourself on the back. But what I want to know is why the group would change such a fitting title of their single? I suspect that retarded people complained that they didn't want to be associated with such talentless fucks, I mean, at least retards have the Special Olympics. BEP has what, some chick from the Mickey Mouse club shakin' her booty? Lord. If they ever invent time-travelling I promise to do everything I can to steal the contraption and travel back in time to kill off the Mickey Mouse club circa 1980's-90's. No more pop singers! Huzzah!
And I was going to link to Dong Resin as I think that cat is hilarious, but now that he's written a book he's pullin' some really un-funny shit with his links. I will never buy that book now. I may have in the past (he is pretty damn funny) but after this shit? Never.
And go show bol some love over at the b dot c even though he don't link to me anymore (not that I blame him either...). He apparently is getting sued.
I'm out. Until then...
*BAMF!*




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