Tuesday, April 05, 2005

No Motherfucker With A Comb-Over Is Going To Tell Me To Spring Forward

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You aren't fooling anyone Mitch.(But that girl in the corner is pretty fly!)

As both of my readers know, I live in Indiana where we, as well as Arizona and Hawaii (i think), don't observe daylight-savings time because it's fucking retarded. It's basically one of the only cool things about living in Indiana because in the spring all the TV shows are on an hour earlier and I don't have to fuck around with setting clocks like the rest of you poor souls out there. I must admit that I have lived in Indiana all of my life and as a result I don't understand the advantages, if there are any, of changing your clock an hour twice a year. To me, the act seems futile. Time never changes, so why try and set your clock an hour ahead to pretend it's earlier or later or whatever? What is this massive illusion that descends upon time in the spring and fall? I fear it.

Anyway, I don't usually care about Daylight Savings Time because it doesn't affect me, but now, thanks to local idiot legislators and my balding governor Mitch Daniels, myself and the rest of Indiana will be drinking the DST Kool-Aid in April of 2006. Well, maybe. It is a close vote so there is a chance that I won't actually have to participate in this massive illusion next year, but I'm still pissed that my local representatives in Indianapolis actually considered it. I owe a big "goddamn you" to my new Governor Mitch Daniels, who used to be part of the Bush administration , and is a big backer of the change. In fact, he calls it a "top priority" in his tenure as Governor. I don't trust this self-decieving, pig-kissin', possible-white-collar-crook for one second. This switch to DST is some insidious plot to enslave me through capitalism and bring back Liberace from the dead. I know because my dog told me before he moved to Missouri where he was tragically killed by a Station Wagon back in '97 or '98. Oh Nacho, I miss you so.


But seriously, fuck Daylight Savings Time. I understand the benefits for the economy and the environment and usually I'd be down for those causes, but I just want to be able to ensure that the youth of Indiana can maybe catch some orno's (no "p" because there's no penetration) on Skinamax because all the programs are on an hour earlier. When you are in 8th grade, ornos are the best reward of staying up past your bed-time watching cable. Anybody remember Sherman Oaks? What about those shitty Pamela Anderson movies where the whole plot of the movie led up to her pullin' out those silicone titties? That's what 8th grade was all about in the Spring-Time! Damn! Look, DST may save people money but it will not help young children get exposed to crappy B-Movie ornos, thus enabling them to live a normal life. Since I have always been about saving the children, I must condone DST, because otherwise, who will think of the children?


Oh and on a side note, Embrace of the Vampire is the best orno ever made. Discuss.
*out*

Comments:
> I don't have to fuck around with setting clocks like the rest of you poor souls out there.

youre forgetting we dont all live in the US.
 
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