Wednesday, April 20, 2005

POPE-DIESEL

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"Rise from your grave! This I command!"
(The new Pope looks like Bela Legosi)

So those crazy 'lics went and picked a new Pope that is waaay more Gangsta than the last one. I mean, if JPII was the Joan Baez of Catholicism then this new cat is like Slayer or Napalm Death for 'lics (I think that was a pretty crappy analogy but whatever). Apparently this new Pope doesn't care too much for homosexuals, liberal Catholics or rock music, so I think the Catholic Church made a pretty good choice for the face of their organization (Thanks for the links Ian!). I only say this of course, because I think that Catholicism is pretty much the sole organized religion that embodies everything that is wrong with religion in one aspect or another. When I think of Catholics I think of molestation, drinking, people reproducing like rabbits, Latin, sinning and the tendency for it's followers to be hypocrites with a false sense of moral-superiority over everyone else. But that's just me. If you think I'm being biased then blame the Catholic Church for bad PR cuz that's all based on observation.

Anyway, I think the pick for the new Pope is great because now the Catholic Church doesn't have to front like it wants to love everyone while condemning homosexuals or people who get abortions. The Catholic Church shouldn't give a fuck what anybody else thinks of them cuz as far as religions go they are the proverbial 800 lb. Gorilla. Fo' rilla. Now they got this Pope who may-or-may-not have liked being a Hitler Youth and is called "God's Rottweiler" so that to me is basically saying, "Hey World, Fuck Off. The Catholic Church Does Whatever The Fuck It Wants." I know when he first appeared as the Pope he was all "I want to love everyone" but mark these words, this new Pope-Diesel is going to start some shit.

Look, if this cat says that rock music is the "vehicle of antireligion" and that Buddhism is a "religion for the self-indulgent" ( quotes taken from that last link) then I wouldn't be suprised if he invited the Dalai Lama over to the Vatican just to strangle him to death as he burns out the D.L.'s eyes with his own robotic-laser-Pope-Eyes (patent pending). After that, I could see him tossing the D.L.'s corpse to the side as he blasts out of the roof of the Vatican City to go blow up Mecca and that giant box with the rock in it. You know what I'm talkin' about.

This new Pope will have superpowers too. I guarantee that the last Pope was dead for years, but the Catholic Church had enough money to create some technology that turned JPII into a walking animatronic Pope. You ever been to Disneyland and seen those robots move? That's what I'm talkin' about! Now that they have an old dude who is still alive they are no doubt rewiring his nervous system with DSL and all sorts of neat shit that'll make him bionic and un-fuck-wittable. Those Catholics are rich so "they have the technology to rebuild him." He'll be the first Pope to excommunicate somebody by crushing them with his metal exo-skeleton. He'll also drink blood and have an ICBM where his never-used dick used to be. Shit's crazy!
Oh man, I'm going to hell. Oh well. They shoulda picked some South American to be the pope.
But seriously, beware the new Pope. I don't trust him.

*out*

Comments:
its not like i ever trusted those german crackas. watch out for whitey.
 
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