Thursday, December 15, 2005

I Suspect That Cookie Puss Is The Greatest Food Ever Made

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"Hooray for Cookie Puss, whatever you are!"

Now mind you, I have no idea what this anthropomorphic cake from outerspace tastes like but upon appearance alone I can deduce that it is the tastiest food creation from outerspace I have ever laid mine eyes upon. For those of you not in the know concerning Cookie Puss's origins, I direct you to Carvel's web site, where Cookie Puss is a spokescake for the company and also this site, which I found via google. Apparently this cake swooped in from outerspace and pitched the idea of creating and selling an ice-cream/cookie/cake to Tom Carvel, the founder of Carvel, maker of cakes such as Fudgie the Whale and other stuff like that. Whatever happened doesn't really matter because soon after a crazy TV commercial was made to inform the public of this interplanetary confection. I've seen the commercial but I don't remember where and I've only been on the East Coast like once, years ago, so that may be when I saw the commercial, but that doesn't matter.

What matters is that I have finally found out how to get a Cookie Puss of my very own.

Quit that snickering.

As Carvel is not representing anywhere near Indianapolis Indiana, I did some research at the Carvel website so I could track down the nearest retailer of Cookie Puss. I had expectations of driving to Baltimore or something to satisfy my Cookie Puss curiosity but lo and behold, their website claims that my local Kroger's can make me a Cookie Puss. I thought this was too good to be true, so I decided to call a random Kroger with cake-making abilities to see if this was possible.

I chose Kroger 993-I at 1330 W. Southport Road because it was the biggest Kroger near me.
Here is the conversation:
Kroger person: Happy Holidays this is Travis. How can I help you?
C7: Uh, yeah, is this the bakery? You guys make cakes right?
KP: Yes sir.
C7: Okay, do you guys make a cake called (pause) Cookie Puss?
KP: (hesitating)Uhhh...(asks another employee)Do we make a cake called Cookie Puss?
other KP: (laughter)
KP: Uh, no we don't.
C7: Goddamit, they lied.
KP: Who lied?
*click*

But I was not discouraged so I chose another store from the list. Kroger #116-I, the closest Kroger to my crib, located at 680 Twin Aire Dr.
There I actually spoke to Pam (god bless you lady!) who actually called the Carvel supplier or whatever he is and she called me back after like two minutes. Unfortunately she called with bad news:
"He told me that the Cookie Puss is an East-Coast-only thing so if you want one you'll have to call someone on the East Coast or have Carvel ship it to you if you want it bad enough."
I thanked her for her efforts, hung up the phone and spat on the floor, much to the dismay of my boss, who happened to be standing nearby.

C7:"I can't get my Cookie Puss! Goddammit!"
Boss: (quizzical look in his eyes) "Sounds a bit more personal than I'd like to know about. And don't spit on the floors. It's unsanitary."

I kicked my computer in frustration and lamented my Cookie Puss-less fate. Denied! Why hath thou forsaken me Cookie Puss?!?!? When will I know your delicious outer-space taste?
So, that means I have to contact Carvel and check the logistics of this Cookie Puss shipping issue because goddammit, I want that cake. I shall check into this matter, dear readers and continue my quest for my anthropomorphic cake from outer space. Unless of course, one of you East Coast (U.S.A.) readers want to buy me a cake for my Birthday (and coincidentally, this blog's 2 year birthday) which occurs in February. Until then, I shall not rest, for want of cake.
*out*

Comments:
Ha! Haw!

Cookie Puss. Wikipedia is a grand thing indeed. It said that your beloved cake is from planet birthday. This being so, one would not expect the fine cake creators at Kroger to phone in such a long distance (outerspace and all)request if they had no proof that the "puss" was to play center stage at a Chi-7 B-day celebration.

You may have to submit a biometric scan of your thumb or retina to prove your date of birth and then request the puss for that most sacred of days next February.

It seems that perhaps you could befrend an irish lad or lass (preferred) to pull some strings and procure a Cookie O'Puss, the saint patty's day variant of the original CP. I heard that Cookie O'Puss is from plannet Alcoholic Jaundice 4.
 
As soon as paysay comes, I will go to my local Carvel and pound a Cookie Puss in your honor. Hooray for NY, for we have Cookie Puss' (or is it Pussii?)
 
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Enjoyed a lot! »
 
9 years later, in my quest to try a cookiepuss... I found your blog and laughed my ass off. Thank you.
 
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