Saturday, December 10, 2005

Sweet Jesus Christ On A Crutch!
Kanye West Finally Successfully Sucks His Own Dick!

"Almost there!"

According to Kanye West has successfully fellated himself in front of another stunned reporter when asked about his second grammy nomination. Corey Moss, author of the afformentioned fluff-piece recently explained to chiseven in this mystuntedgrowth exclusive report:

"Okay, I was interviewing Kanye about how pissed off he'd be if he didn't win the album-of-the-year Grammy for his latest record and he started ranting about how people whose grandmothers die love his music and how hard he works for this music pushing buttons on a sampler and something about Jesus and the next thing I know, he's foaming at the mouth and all the sudden he just unbuckles his pants and starts sucking his own dick. I was shocked! I mean, Marilyn Manson had one of his ribs removed so he could do tht and he couldn't even suck his own dick! It was disgusting and amazing at the same time! Clearly Kanye's quest to bolster his own ego knows know bounds and he's not afraid to show it!"

According to Mr. Moss, West continued fellating himself as he clutched his diamond-encrusted Jesus piece until he finally took his own member out of his mouth and called John Legend and John Mayer (who were apparently waiting nearby in the shadows) over so they could finsh him off. Both apparently fought to be the one to finish him off but they were both denied by Satan who suddenly appeared in a flash of fire and brimstone and finished the job, leaving Kanye to ejaculate the latest album from Common onto John Mayer's cell-phone, causing the auto-dial to call West's cell-phone for the 502nd time that day. Kanye then thanked Satan for his help and promised Beazelbub that he would finish up his work on his album as soon as he found his copy of Eminem's drum CD. At this point, the details get hazy, as the reporter passed out from shock only to be revived later by a janitor sweeping up the floor. He quickly regained his wits and filed his story for mtvnews before contacting chiseven with this exclusive report.


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