Thursday, January 05, 2006

Indiana: Home of Religious Nuts and Douchebags for Jesus
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"I'm Cray-zeee about Christ!"

No wonder the rest of the world considers the mass population of my home state to be backwoods idiots wielding bibles and avoiding common sense. It turns out that the general view of my fellow Hoosiers seems to be horrifyingly accurate. I've long suspected this, being an individual of sound mind and character with an aversion to Christianity and all purveyors of said faith. Living in Indiana has afforded me many laughs at the expense of others and their religious fervor. That said, nothing this year has made me laugh harder than this article on the front page of my local fishwrap known as The Indianapolis Star.
In case you don't know, last year some judge ruled that the Indiana House of Representatives couldn't invoke the big J.C.'s name in prayers because it's a violation of the separation between church and state. Of course, all the douchebags for Jesus get all up-in-arms because they can't have their way and just relax on the Jesus loving for like 3 minutes during the day. So this douche, pictured above, House Speaker Brian Bosma leads the Legislature in a prayer before they start the day so that they aren't defying the judge. Sayeth the douche:

"We're taking a stand. We're making a statement," Bosma said. "But within the bounds of the court order."

Wow. What courage! That'll show Satan and all those pesky judges not to mess with self-promoting aggressive and misguided douchebags for Jesus! What character! What resolve!
To further cement his status as a feminine sanitary product used to remove odors from a woman's vagina, Bosama then made the following remark as he fellated himself in front of the legislators and they responded as self-righteous douches usually do:

"Those of us, myself included, who yearn for the opportunity to freely speak in accordance with our beliefs have historically always ended up on the right side of history," he said.

His remarks were met by a 30-second standing ovation from House members and the gallery.

Of course, the reporter found one member who didn't agree with the whole process who turned out to be a Democrat and a Jew (which no doubt, upsets these Jesus freaks), as well as posessing a good argument implying that Bosama and company are just a bunch of self-promoting assholes.
Less enthusiastic was Rep. David Orentlicher, an Indianapolis Democrat and the sole Jewish legislator. Orentlicher said he was in a meeting outside the House chamber when the prayer huddle took place. He said he had no problem with private and personal prayers.
But Orentlicher, who lingered in a doorway to the House chamber as Bosma explained his objections to Hamilton's order, said the speaker should be paying more attention to vital issues such as health care and tax policy and less to the prayer controversy.
He also criticized Bosma for continually insisting in public that free speech is at stake when his lawyers conceded that was not the case before Hamilton.
"It's unfortunate he wants to create religious conflict and political division when there are critical issues facing the state," Orentlicher said.

Of course, this rational argument meant little to a brainwashed minion of Christ from Crawfordsville, attending one of two absurd rallies held in the House:

Outside the House chamber, peering through a window at the proceedings and carrying a sign that said "In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen," 15-year-old Praise Jerusha Sharp, Crawfordsville, was among those who objects to Hamilton's ruling.
She took a day off from her private school to make her feelings known. "If they don't start praying in Jesus' name, our country is going to fall," she said. "I've asked (God), and he doesn't like it."

Amazing! God won't even help me pick the right Powerball numbers but he will talk to some 15 year-old backwoods yokel about the merits of seperating government and religion. I bet she sincerely believes that she has talked to God too. So there you have it, as far as I'm concerned:
Proof that Indiana is home to religious nuts and Douchebags for Jesus. And the scary thing is that they are the majority. No wonder most of the nation refers to hillbillies as "Hoosiers"-it's frightengly accurate.

Don't feel bad , God doesn't talk to me either. He has a helluva lot to say to the crazies in Georgia too!
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